Life is funny. Or so they say.
I remember being in high school, long ago, and thinking I would have my whole life figured out by the time I reached my 50s. Fifty seemed positively ancient back then.
Then I graduated and started working. I remember thinking, “Just a few more years, and then I’ll get married and life will begin.”
I assumed I would spend my 20s sorting everything out and then spend my 30s really living life.
Of course, life had other plans.
My 30s arrived, and I found myself in an unhappy marriage with two beautiful girls who still bring so much sparkle to my life. I remember thinking, This isn’t how this was supposed to go.
By the end of my 30s, I was divorced and living back at home, thank God. I entered my 40s trying to rebuild not only my life, but myself.
Don’t get me wrong. Divorce freed me to finally start living again, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t one of the most painful seasons of my life.
Just Keeping My Head Above Water
I feel like I surfed through most of my 40s.
Neither here nor there.
Just maintaining. Keeping my head above water. Doing what needed to be done and trying to figure out what came next.
Then, near the end of my 40s, life changed again.
Big.
And painful.
I lost the two women who had been my anchors.
So once again, I entered another decade rebuilding my life and rebuilding myself.
Only this time, there wasn’t anyone to make it happen for me like there had been before.
It was just me and God.
Eight Years of Growth
I’m almost 58 now, and these past eight years haven’t exactly been easy.
But something has changed.
I can honestly say I’ve probably experienced more personal growth during these years than I did in all the decades before them.
I built a life for my girls and me as we learned to heal after losing my mom and my aunt.
I watched my little girl get married to the man of her dreams.
My older daughter was diagnosed with autism and found her person for this life.
I bought a house with my sister.
I became a grandmother.
Those things are precious. They are some of the sweetest gifts God has given me.
But even those things don’t compare to the deeper work God has been doing in me.
The correction.
The pruning.
The uncomfortable moments when He lovingly shows me that some things I thought were simply who I am are actually things He wants to change.
And honestly, that has been one of the greatest gifts of this season.
Finally Saying Yes
For the first time in my life, I feel like I am fully submitted to His will, whatever that may be.
And yes, I’m saying yes.
Although I am still respectfully asking Him not to relocate me to Florida or call me to be a missionary somewhere without air conditioning, where bugs and snakes are apparently considered part of the scenery.
But other than that?
Yes, Lord.
I’m also finally beginning to release my Vulcan death grip on old hurts.
And hear me when I say this: letting go of past hurts isn’t always about just forgiving someone else. Sometimes it’s about repenting for the part I played in the story.
That one hurts.
But it’s also freeing.
For a long time, I thought healing meant getting past what other people had done to me. Now I’m realizing that healing also means allowing God to show me where I need to take responsibility, change, repent, and move forward.
That kind of honesty isn’t always comfortable.
But freedom rarely is.
So What’s the Plan?
So what’s the plan as I head toward my 60s?
Start now.
Don’t be a “one day” girl.
Be a “day one” woman.
I heard a pastor say that once, and it has stayed with me.
I have two years and two months left in my 50s, and I don’t want to end this decade the way the last two ended, with me simply surviving, maintaining, or waiting for the next thing to happen.
I want to walk into my 60s prepared.
Not perfect.
Prepared.
Strong in Mind and Body
I want to be strong.
Strong in mind.
Strong in body.
Strong in faith.
I want a healthy mind that recognizes the enemy’s attacks instead of entertaining every fearful thought that walks through the door.
I want to be like a deeply rooted tree, steady when the storms come and not swept away by every tornado of what if and what now.
I want to live in a healthy body, fueled in a way that honors God and strong enough to move easily.
I want to dance in it.
Ride bikes in it.
Get down on the floor and roll around with my grandchildren in it.
And I want to be able to do whatever God asks of me for as long as He gives me.
A Prayer Life That Moves Heaven
I want a prayer life that breaks chains and rattles walls.
I want my daughters and sons-in-law to know they have a praying mama.
More than that, I want my grandchildren to grow up knowing, My grandma prays. And when Grandma prays, Heaven moves.
I don’t want prayer to be something I squeeze into my day when everything else is finished.
I want it to be the foundation underneath everything else.
Less Fear, More Obedience
I want to become fearless about reaching people for Jesus.
Not just being a pillar in my church, but being willing to step outside the comfortable walls of church and talk to someone about Jesus without letting fear talk me out of obedience.
I want to be willing to have the conversation.
To offer encouragement.
To pray for someone.
To share what Jesus has done in my life.
And I want my words to sound less like me and more like the Father.
Freedom to Say Yes
I want to be debt free, owing no one anything except a debt of love.
Because there is a different kind of freedom that comes when you aren’t financially tied down and can say yes when God puts someone on your heart.
We are blessed to be a blessing.
And I want to be free to bless people.
I want to be closer than ever to retirement, not because I don’t want to work, but because I want the work I do to be God-ordained work.
I want to use the gifts, talents, experiences, and even the hobbies God has given me to encourage people.
I want to reach younger women.
I want to minister to older women.
I want to write.
I want to create.
I want to serve.
I want to make people laugh.
I want to tell stories that point people back to Jesus.
And I don’t want to wait until I retire to start living that way.
This Is the Part That Matters
That’s the thing I’m finally beginning to understand. The woman I want to be in my 60s isn’t going to magically appear when I blow out the candles on my 60th birthday. The life I want isn’t waiting for me somewhere in the future. It is being built right now, in the choices I make today, the things I surrender today, the hurts I finally release, the habits I build, the prayers I pray, and the obedience that sometimes feels uncomfortable.
Maybe that’s what this season of life is really about. Not starting over. Not becoming someone completely different. But allowing God to finish the work He started in me all those years ago.
I spent a lot of my younger years waiting for my life to begin. I don’t want to do that anymore. My life isn’t waiting for me somewhere in my 60s. It’s happening right now.
And for the first time, I don’t need to have the whole thing figured out. I just need to know Who is leading me.
So here I am. Almost 58. Still learning. Still growing. Still messing things up occasionally. Still asking God to please keep the snakes out of my future. But more surrendered than I’ve ever been, and ready.
Not for some perfect future version of my life.
For today. For this season. For whatever God puts in front of me next.
