Posted in Moments and Musings

Waiting on God: Stuck but Still Believing

Life is good. Seriously, really good. My home is warm and cozy. The people I love are healthy, happy, and thriving. I’ve got a lot to be grateful for. But… there’s this one little thing. Okay, maybe it’s big. I’m waiting.

Not the casual, “Oh, whenever” kind of waiting. I’m talking about the kind where you’re staring at a closed door, wondering if you should knock, push, or just stand there awkwardly humming a tune. That’s where I am.

Feeling Young, Wise, and Confused All at Once

I’m 57 and a half (yes, I count the halves—it makes me feel younger and more precise). I still feel like my life is full of possibilities and adventure. At the same time, I wish I could hit the pause button and just sip a latte, watch the world go by, and breathe.

I know I’m supposed to take a big step, try something different, maybe even completely out of my comfort zone. But here’s the kicker: I have no clue what that “something different” is. I’m staring at a blank page and wondering if I’m supposed to write, doodle, or just wait for divine inspiration.

Prayer: Sometimes Consistent, Sometimes “Oops, Later”

I’ve been praying about this—well, most days, anyway. Full disclosure: if you asked me whether I prayed every single day, I’d have to be honest and say… nope. But even with my inconsistent prayer schedule, I’m believing. I am trusting God for something big because this next step is going to require a miracle-sized dose of courage.

I’m not scared, but I am anxious. I want clarity. I want action. I want doors to fling open like in the movies. And yet, I know God is moving behind the scenes. Sometimes I just wish He’d hurry up and make it obvious already!

Moses Had to Step… and So Do I

I see all these quotes everywhere: “God moves when you move.” “Moses had to take that first step into the sea, and THEN God parted the waters.” I love those reminders. But can we talk about how scary it is to step into churning waters when you don’t even know if there’s a sandbar or a shark underneath?

My pastor recently said something that felt like it landed right in my living room: “I know you feel like the bottom is going to fall out from beneath you, but it’s not. Keep trusting. Keep believing.” Those words are like a warm blanket on a chilly day. I’m holding on. I’m believing. Even when I feel stuck. Even when my coffee gets cold because I’m overthinking.

Waiting Isn’t Fun, But It’s Preparing Me

Let’s be honest: waiting is hard. I’m the kind of person who wants patience and speed at the same time. I want God to show me the path… yesterday. But here’s the beautiful irony: this waiting is the preparation. God’s setting the table, sharpening my vision, and aligning circumstances I can’t see yet.

Even in my restlessness, I can remind myself of what Scripture says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6

So I sip my coffee, breathe, and trust. God’s got this. Even if it feels slow. Even if I feel stuck. Even if I have no clue what I’m supposed to do next.

Keeping It Lighthearted

Sometimes I imagine God as a patient coach, waving from the sidelines like, “Victoria, take it easy. I’ve got this. You don’t need to panic.” And maybe that’s the lesson: I don’t have to control everything. I can be ready, I can be faithful, and I can even laugh at myself when I feel stuck or anxious.

After all, life is too short to not enjoy the little things—the coffee, the sunshine, the cozy home, the people we love. Waiting can coexist with gratitude, laughter, and hope.

A Prayer for Those of Us in Waiting

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the blessings in my life, for my home, my health, and the people I love. Thank You for being with me even when I feel stuck or unsure. Lord, I lift up this season of waiting to You. Give me patience, clarity, and courage to take the steps You are calling me to, even when they seem scary or uncertain. Help me trust Your timing and rest in Your plan. Prepare my heart, open doors, and when the time is right, make the path before me clear and joyful. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Final Thoughts

So here I am, stuck but believing, anxious but hopeful, sipping my coffee and waiting on God. And maybe that’s where the magic happens—between the longing and the faith, the questions and the trust. If you’re in a season of waiting too, know this: you’re not alone, and God is still moving, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Sometimes, the most powerful step is simply staying faithful in the waiting. And maybe, just maybe, enjoying the coffee along the way.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Posted in Moments and Musings

The Generation That Survived

One of my favorite things in the world is listening to my dad talk about his past.

At 90+ years old, he has a lot of past to talk about.

When he tells his stories, I feel like I’m stepping into another world—one that looks nothing like the one we live in today.

A Boy From Sicily

My dad was born in the small town of Calascibetta, Sicily—a stunning ancient town with panoramic views that look like something straight out of a postcard.

History doesn’t sit in books there. It surrounds you. Stone streets wind through the town. Old churches stand where they have stood for centuries. The hills overlook landscapes that have watched generations live, struggle, and move on.

My father entered a world that feels almost unimaginable now.

Children ran freely through the streets without constant worry. Families grew and prepared their own food. Nobody stared at phones because phones as we know them didn’t exist. Life moved to the rhythm of church bells, hard work, fresh air, and family.

A Complicated Love Story

My grandparents entered marriage through arrangement, not romance.

My grandmother actually loved another man. Her brothers forbade the relationship and forced her into marriage with my grandfather instead. The man she loved never married anyone else.

Not every love story gets a happy ending. Life in those days rarely allowed room for romantic dreams.

My grandfather built his life through relentless work. Long before anyone used the word entrepreneur, he ran businesses and often traveled to America for work.

His absence left my grandmother and father alone much of the time.

War Changes Everything

Then World War II arrived.

Suddenly my grandmother and father truly stood alone.

They faced the war. They faced hunger. And they faced the Nazis.

Their home in Calascibetta sat on land that offered military advantage because of its elevation and panoramic views. Authorities forced them out. My grandmother and father retreated to the countryside and built a fragile life there, surviving however they could.

The Seamstress Who Saved Their Lives

My grandmother possessed extraordinary skill as a seamstress.

She spent exactly one day in school before telling her father she didn’t like it. Instead of arguing, he apprenticed her to a seamstress.

That decision saved their lives years later.

She sewed constantly—dresses for wealthy women, linens for the church, anything that would bring a little money or food. Her hands kept my father alive when times grew desperate.

But her lack of education created other problems.

Passport officials repeatedly demanded extra payments to process paperwork for her and my father to leave Sicily and join my grandfather in America. Those delays trapped them in Sicily during the war.

A Mother’s Fierce Protection

When they finally secured passage to America, my grandmother faced another obstacle.

The ship separated men and women.

My grandmother refused to let her only child out of her sight.

She hid my father—then a preteen—among the women on the boat and kept him there for the entire journey. Rules didn’t matter. Her job was protecting her son.

And she did.

The Man Those Years Created

Those early years shaped my father forever.

Even now, the habits remain.

He walks everywhere—because as a boy he ran everywhere.

He eats whatever sits on the table—because he remembers real hunger.

He speaks about his mother with deep love and respect for the woman who protected him during a war.

Sometimes he tears up when he remembers those years.

And through everything, he loves his family fiercely and holds tightly to the faith that carried him through darkness.

The Secret to Living a Long Life

At 92 years old, my father believes he has discovered the secret to longevity.

According to him, the formula is simple:

Walk every day.
Drink an espresso every morning.
Enjoy a glass of wine whenever possible.

And always practice moderation.

He delivers this advice with the authority of someone presenting peer-reviewed research.

Honestly, I’m inclined to believe him.

The War Never Fully Leaves

After my mother passed away, I discovered a note my father had written to her just ten years after World War II ended.

That note made me think deeply about the life they built together.

As a first-generation American, I grew up hearing how the war affected America.

My father experienced the war from the other side.

He ran for shelter during bombings. He sat inside bomb shelters. When the attacks of 9/11 happened, those memories resurfaced immediately.

War leaves marks that never fully disappear.

Why I Keep Listening

My father sometimes repeats the same stories.

And I listen every time.

Because his generation survived things most of us will never experience.

Because those voices are slowly fading.

Because every retelling reveals a new detail—a new lesson—a new piece of wisdom.

I ask endless questions. I try to picture his childhood in Sicily and the enormous transition he faced when he came to America, a country he never wanted to leave his homeland for.

Yet over the years he has traveled across the United States and learned to appreciate its beauty.

America is young compared to Sicily.

But beauty still lives here.

Why These Stories Matter

It breaks my heart when younger generations dismiss the stories of their grandparents.

My parents’ generation lived through survival.

Innovation came from necessity, not comfort. Their lives revolved around sacrifice, family, faith, and endurance.

There was no self-care culture.
No “cozy evenings.”
No “me time.”

People did what needed to be done because survival required it.

That is why listening matters.

Even when the stories repeat.

Each telling passes another piece of wisdom to the next generation.

We must teach our children to listen too.

Put the phones down. Step away from the noise. Sit at the feet of this precious generation.

They won’t be here forever.

But the lessons they leave behind can be. ❤️

Image by me. @vikkilynnsorensen. All rights reserved.
Posted in Crochet

A Blanket with Purpose

There’s something deeply satisfying about making a crochet blanket that doesn’t begin with a grand plan—but instead with a simple intention: use what you have.

That’s exactly how this blanket came to life.

The Yarn-Eater I Needed

I chose the waffle stitch for this project, fully aware of its reputation. It’s a yarn eater—no question about it. But honestly, that’s what drew me to it. I wasn’t trying to conserve yarn or stretch skeins. I wanted the opposite. I wanted to use it up. Every last bit of it.

This blanket was made with a 5.0 mm hook and about 6–7 skeins of Red Heart Bitty Stripes in the color Rainbow. There’s something playful and comforting about that colorway—soft transitions, gentle brightness, nothing too loud but still full of life.

And stitch by stitch, row by row, it came together.

Slow Making in a Fast World

In total, I completed 34 rows of waffle stitch. Not rushed. Not forced. Just… made.

This wasn’t one of those projects where I set deadlines or felt the pressure to “finish.” Instead, I worked on it over a couple of months, picking it up when I felt like it and setting it down without guilt when I didn’t.

That alone felt like a quiet act of rebellion.

Because let’s be honest—everything around us pushes for faster, more, now. But this blanket? It asked for patience. It demanded presence. And in return, it gave me something I didn’t realize I needed: permission to slow down.

Evenings Well Spent

More often than not, this blanket grew in the evenings.

Curled up, a cozy corner claimed, with a British show playing in the background—preferably a good mystery. There’s just something about the rhythm of a well-told story paired with the repetition of crochet stitches. It settles the mind in a way scrolling never does.

And speaking of that…

Choosing Creativity Over Scrolling

One of my personal goals lately has been to be more creative and less consumed by my phone. It’s not easy. The pull is strong, and the habit is real.

However, projects like this help.

Each time I chose to pick up my hook instead of my phone, I was choosing something tangible. Something lasting. Something that required me to be present rather than distracted.

Not perfectly. Not every time. But more than before—and that counts.

What Comes Next?

Now that it’s finished, I find myself wondering what this blanket’s story will become.

I may gift it. I may sell it at a craft fair this summer or fall. And if I’m being honest, the idea of selling at a fair feels like stepping into completely unknown territory. I know nothing about it—but maybe that’s part of the appeal.

A new experience. A new challenge. A new way to share something handmade with someone who might love it as much as I loved making it.

More Than Just a Blanket

At the end of the day, this isn’t just a crochet blanket.

It’s a reminder.

A reminder that not everything has to be rushed.
That using what you already have can be enough.
That creativity doesn’t need perfection—it just needs space.

And maybe most importantly, it’s proof that even in small, quiet ways, we can choose differently. We can choose slower. We can choose intentional. We can choose to make something with our hands instead of just consuming with our minds.

So whether this blanket ends up draped over someone’s couch, gifted to someone I love, or folded neatly on a table at my very first craft fair—it has already served its purpose.

It brought me back to the simple joy of creating.

And that, more than anything, is enough.

Photo by @vikkilynnstitches. All rights reserved.
Posted in Faith, Food and Forward Steps

Until I’m Skinny Enough to Deserve Treatment

I’ve lived most of my adult life in the uncomfortable intersection of womanhood and size. Every doctor’s appointment, every lab test, every routine checkup carries with it a quiet but unmistakable message: “Until I’m skinny enough, my health concerns aren’t serious.” And if I’m being honest, that message has shaped not just how I feel about my body, but how I feel about seeking care at all.

Walking into a medical office as a plus-size woman is like stepping onto a stage where I’ve already been judged. Before a single symptom is addressed, I know that assumptions will be made, advice will be given, and my experiences will be filtered through the lens of my size. And after years of this, the anxiety it breeds has become almost unbearable.

Every Visit Starts the Same Way

It doesn’t matter what issue brings me into the office. A lingering ache in my knees? Fatigue that never lifts? Digestive issues? Even these can’t escape the gravitational pull of weight bias. I’ve been told, more times than I can count, that if I just lost weight, all my problems would disappear. Sometimes this comes gently, sometimes as a directive. Either way, the effect is the same: my symptoms are diminished, my experiences dismissed, my body blamed before my voice is heard.

And it’s exhausting. The mental preparation for each visit, the internal debate about whether it’s “worth it” to face judgment again, has caused me to avoid care altogether at times. The fear of walking into that room, of being met with assumptions and subtle condescension, is overwhelming.

The Mental Health Toll

Living under this constant scrutiny has affected more than my physical health. It has chipped away at my mental well-being. I feel an underlying anxiety every time I think about needing medical care. It’s a strange mix of fear, frustration, and self-doubt. I question whether my concerns are valid enough to raise, whether my body is “worthy” of attention, and whether seeking help will simply lead to judgment.

This anxiety doesn’t stay at the clinic door. It follows me home. It colors the way I think about my body, my health, and even my daily choices. When the system that’s supposed to protect you starts to feel like a threat, it’s impossible not to feel vulnerable, powerless, and alone.

Health Shouldn’t Be Conditional

The cruel irony is that weight does not define wellness. Conditions like thyroid disorders, diabetes, polycystic ovary syndrome, cardiovascular issues, and even chronic fatigue affect women of all sizes. Yet, for plus-size women, the default explanation is always the same: your weight is the problem.

This approach isn’t just dismissive—it’s dangerous. When doctors focus on size rather than symptoms, testing is delayed, treatment is postponed, and serious health issues can go unnoticed. Preventive screenings, which could save lives, are sometimes avoided or inadequately administered because equipment or assumptions fail to accommodate larger bodies. Health should not be a reward for shrinking. It should be a right, available to all, right now.

The Emotional Labor of Advocacy

Over the years, I’ve had to become my own advocate in a system that often feels designed to overlook me. I’ve learned to ask questions, insist on tests, and push for proper evaluation. I’ve had to insist that my symptoms are legitimate and that my health matters. But the emotional labor required for this is immense. Every visit takes energy, courage, and mental fortitude—energy I wish I could spend on healing instead of defending my existence.

I know I’m not alone in this. Thousands of plus-size women navigate the same bias daily, negotiating a healthcare system that seems to care more about the size of our bodies than the complexity of our symptoms. This isn’t about vanity. It’s about survival, dignity, and justice.

Reframing What Health Means

I’ve had to reframe my understanding of health and self-worth. Health is not a number on a scale. It is function, wellness, emotional resilience, and the ability to live a fulfilling life. My body deserves care not because it meets societal standards, but because it is mine—and because I am worthy of attention, compassion, and respect.

Even when the system fails, I’ve learned to advocate, speak out, and refuse to internalize blame. I’ve connected with supportive providers, therapists, and communities that understand size-inclusive care. I’ve discovered that acknowledging my worth is a radical act in a world that too often equates thinness with legitimacy.

Moving Toward Change

Change will not happen overnight, but it starts with awareness. Healthcare professionals must confront their biases, listen without judgment, and provide care that is evidence-based rather than assumption-driven. Clinics need equipment, resources, and protocols that accommodate all bodies.

And patients like me must continue to advocate—not just for ourselves, but for every woman who has felt invisible or dismissed. By sharing our experiences, by insisting on proper treatment, and by refusing to let our health be conditional, we can challenge the harmful systems that have persisted for far too long.

Conclusion: Health Without Conditions

For decades, I’ve faced the implicit message: “Until you’re skinny enough, your health concerns don’t matter.” But I refuse to believe that my size determines my right to care. Every woman deserves treatment, compassion, and attention—without judgment, without delay, and without preconditions.

We deserve to walk into a clinic and know our voices will be heard, our concerns validated, and our bodies respected. Until that becomes the standard, we continue to share our stories, advocate fiercely, and demand a healthcare system that sees us—exactly as we are.

Because health should never be conditional. It should always be a right.

Photo by Shaun Meintjes on Unsplash

Posted in Moments and Musings

Godly Rest Is Earned, Not Entitled

We live in a world obsessed with rest.

Self-care. Slow living. Soft life. Early retirement. “I’m just tired.” We hear it everywhere. And while I absolutely believe rest is sacred, I also believe we’ve confused Godly rest with comfort without contribution.

Recently, I had a conversation with my daughter, Emilie, that put words to something I’ve been feeling for a long time.

Emilie works hard.

Spring, summer, and fall in her home are not lazy seasons. They are full. She preserves vegetables, cans fruit, bakes bread, prepares meals, freezes food, and stocks her pantry. She plans ahead. She thinks long-term. She equips her household with intention.

Why?

So that when winter comes, she can rest.

Not scramble. Not panic. Not strive.
Rest.

That is Godly rest.

God Worked Before He Rested

In the opening chapter of Genesis, we see the original pattern for life. God created the heavens and the earth in six days. He spoke light into existence. He separated land and sea. He formed plants, stars, animals, and mankind.

Six full days of work.

Then — and only then — He rested.

Scripture tells us in Genesis 2:2 that on the seventh day, God finished His work and rested from all He had done.

He did not rest instead of working.
He rested after working.

There is a divine order there.

It’s Not Just Spiritual — It’s Mathematical

When you look at the creation pattern, it’s almost like a math equation:

6 days of work
1 day of rest

That’s a 6:1 ratio. Roughly 85% work, 15% rest.

Emilie unintentionally mirrors this rhythm in her own life. She works three quarters of the year preparing her home. Then she rests in the winter, enjoying the fruit of her labor.

It’s simple math.

Work + Preparation = Rest
No Work + No Preparation = Stress

Yet so many people today want the winter rest without the spring planting.

They want the harvest without the sowing.
The provision without the preparation.
The peace without the discipline.

The Danger of Wanting Rest Without Work

Wanting rest without work doesn’t produce peace. It produces anxiety.

Because rest without preparation is fragile. It depends on luck, others’ labor, or constant scrambling.

Godly rest, on the other hand, is stable.

It’s the feeling of opening your freezer in January and knowing it’s full because you filled it in July.

It’s sitting down at the end of the week knowing you gave your best.

It’s Sabbath that feels sweet because you poured yourself out Monday through Saturday.

Real rest feels good because something was accomplished.

Godly Rest Is Rhythmic, Not Lazy

God did not design us for burnout. But He also did not design us for idleness.

Work came before the fall. Purpose was part of Eden. Tending the garden was a gift, not a punishment.

Rest is not an escape from responsibility.
It is a reward of faithfulness.

When Emilie rests in the winter, it isn’t laziness. It’s wisdom. It’s the natural outcome of diligence. She isn’t exhausted and resentful — she is satisfied.

That’s the difference.

The Easy Life Is a Mirage

Our culture sells the idea of an easy life right now. Immediate comfort. Immediate reward. Immediate rest.

But Scripture paints a different picture.

There is sowing and reaping.
There is planting and harvesting.
There is working and resting.

If we bypass the working season, we rob ourselves of the deep satisfaction that makes rest meaningful.

Godly rest isn’t about doing nothing all the time. It’s about honoring the rhythm God established from the beginning.

The Invitation

Maybe the question isn’t, “Why am I so tired?”

Maybe the better question is, “Have I honored the rhythm?”

Have I worked faithfully?
Have I prepared wisely?
Have I embraced my season?

Because when work is done with purpose, rest becomes holy.

Emilie understands something simple but profound: you can’t rest well in winter if you wasted the summer.

God showed us the formula in the very first pages of Scripture. Six days He worked. One day He rested.

It’s not just theology.
It’s design.
It’s math.
It’s wisdom.

And it still works.

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash