I’m in year three of menopause madness, and let me tell you—it’s like my body staged a hostile takeover and forgot to leave a welcome mat.
It’s not fun.
It’s not helpful.
It’s not easy.
I’m hot. I’m emotional. I’m forgetful. I’m irritated… a lot. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone—somewhere out there, another woman is fanning herself while crying over lost car keys or screaming at the dog for no reason.
I’ve survived—or at least fought back—against the top five menopause symptoms. Sometimes my weapon of choice is chocolate. Sometimes it’s prayer. Sometimes it’s sheer stubbornness. And yes, sometimes I combine all three and call it a victory. Here’s how I’ve been slaying the beast… or at least beating her back when I need a chocolate bribe.
1. Hot Flashes: Spontaneous Combustion Happens
Hot flashes hit without warning. One second I’m sitting calmly, the next I feel like I’ve been microwaved alive. If spontaneous combustion were real, menopause would be the poster child.
I’ve wrestled with family members over the thermostat, cursed summer in every language I know, and considered moving to Antarctica.
Here’s my arsenal:
- Cold water—I drink it like it’s an Olympic sport.
- Light clothing—tanks, tees, and occasionally the tiniest whisper of dignity.
- Fans—my ceiling fan runs 24/7 in high gear, and I’m not apologizing.
- Cool showers—especially before bed. They save my sanity and my sheets.
- Cornstarch powder—sounds bizarre, works miracles. Moisture doesn’t stand a chance.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath.” — Proverbs 15:1
Especially when someone dares touch the thermostat.
2. Emotional Rollercoaster: Cry, Rage, Laugh (All Before Breakfast)
Menopause hits like a silent scream that won’t quit. I cry, rage, and laugh—all before breakfast. Everything irritates me. Nothing feels right. The smallest frustrations feel like full-blown betrayals. Midlife crisis? More like menopause crisis.
Here’s how I survive the emotional chaos:
- Take it to God. Ugly tears, loud prayers, honest hearts—it works.
- Keep perspective. Bad moment ≠ bad life.
- Laugh. Blogs, memes, articles written by other menopausal women remind me I’m not alone… just hormonally enhanced.
- Talk to family. I lean on my sisters—they get it, and their patience is saintly.
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7
“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.” — Psalm 30:5
3. Brain Fog: Hide-and-Seek With Your Own Thoughts
My brain plays hide-and-seek and never tells me when it’s done. I used to feel sharp, clear, unstoppable. Now, words vanish mid-sentence. Thoughts hide in corners. I forget things I know I know. I once spent ten minutes looking for my glasses… while they were on my head.
Here’s what keeps me functional:
- Stay calm. Panicking only thickens the fog.
- Journal. Capture fleeting thoughts before menopause claims them forever.
- Use a calendar. If it’s important, ink it in. No exceptions.
“God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.” — 1 Corinthians 14:33
“If any of you lacks wisdom, ask God.” — James 1:5
4. Weight Gain: My Body Went Rogue
I’ve always had a waist, plus-size or not. Then menopause hit. Now my hourglass has morphed into a more… grape-like shape. Nobody seems to make clothes for it. And jeans? Don’t get me started.
How I cope:
- Grace first. Often served with chocolate or pasta, because boundaries exist but chocolate is essential.
- Hydrate. Water, water, water—even when it’s freezing outside.
- Vegetables. I’m trying for one with every meal. So far, I’ve succeeded… sometimes.
- Movement. 2026 is my “get up and move” year. Walk, stretch, repeat. Hopefully, sweat and chocolate can coexist.
“Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” — 1 Samuel 16:7
“My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.” — 1 Corinthians 6:19
(A well-loved, well-used temple.)
5. Aches and Pains: Menopause or Impending Doom?
Every twinge brings panic: menopause or urgent care? My knees, hips, and back like to remind me they’re aging gracefully—or maybe just testing my patience.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Ignore Dr. Google. Doom and gloom are one search away.
- Find a doctor who listens. They’re rare, but worth the hunt.
- Rest and movement. Yes, both. Balance is key.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3
A Few Final Weapons
Some medications help women survive menopause. If you trust your doctor, follow their guidance. I take a more holistic path, leaning on family, humor, and chocolate when necessary.
My family’s patience and love deserve medals. I hope to repay them someday, but for now, they help me survive this beast.
Most importantly, give yourself grace. Communicate. Ask for help. Celebrate small victories. Grieve the season ending, and make room for the next.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1
Menopause is wild. It’s weird. It’s exhausting. It’s annoying.
But light exists at the end of the hot-flash tunnel. And someday—gasp!—growing old gracefully might actually feel good. Chocolate optional, but highly recommended.




