Let’s Talk About Weight
Let’s talk about my favorite subject: weight loss.
Or weight gain, in my experience.
Or really, weight anything, which bothers me because I was not born into a family known for being “skinny.”
Now, I don’t want to turn this into a “poor me, I’m fat” post. I also don’t want to go on a rant about why fat-shaming still seems to be acceptable in the media when apparently everyone gets offended by everything else.
And I don’t want to spend this post talking about doctors who discount plus-size people the second they look at us and decide they already know what’s wrong.
Because honestly, that one deserves its own post.
How many serious health problems were missed because a doctor looked at a number on a scale and decided that explained everything?
But this post isn’t about any of that.
It’s about my struggle.
More importantly, it’s about what I’m learning in this menopause season of life.
Menopause Is a Beast
Menopause is a beast.
And I don’t think we’ve even discovered all the ways this beast can affect a woman’s body.
One of the most obvious symptoms I’ve experienced?
Weight gain.
Now, I know all the things I could and should be doing to lose weight.
Eat better.
Move more.
Drink more water.
Sleep better.
Manage stress.
And apparently stop eating Oreos like they are part of my treatment plan.
I know all of it.
But that’s not what I want to talk about.
I want to talk about how the weight creeps up on you.
And then…
BOOM!
Fifty pounds has somehow taken up residence on your body.
Overnight.
Okay, maybe not literally overnight.
But it sure feels that way.
And the strangest part?
I didn’t feel like I was doing anything dramatically different from what I had done before.
Yet suddenly, there it was.
And getting it off?
That battle is real.
Because unlike weight loss before menopause, this feels like a battle of the mind and emotions as much as the body.
I’m no doctor, so let me be clear: I’m speaking strictly from my own experience.
Before Menopause, It Felt Simpler
Before menopause, losing weight felt like more of a decision.
Decide.
Find a plan.
Execute.
And, for the most part, my body cooperated.
I could lose weight much more easily than I can now.
Unfortunately, for me, and probably for many women my age, there’s another part of this equation that nobody seems to talk about enough.
Menopause + COVID + Life
Menopause started for me at 50.
And it happened at a particularly difficult time.
I had just lost my mom.
I changed jobs.
I changed housing.
And then…
BOOM.
COVID lockdowns.
Stay home.
No contact with family.
Little contact with the outside world.
No going into the office.
No normal routines.
Just me.
At home.
Day after day.
If women who weren’t going through menopause experienced depression, isolation, anxiety, and what everyone jokingly called the “COVID 20,” imagine what all of that did to someone whose hormones were already doing their own version of a demolition derby.
Looking back, I can see how much those circumstances affected me.
Fast-forward to now, and I’m struggling.
The One Thing I Haven’t Fully Given to God
Here’s where this gets personal.
This may be the one area of my life that I haven’t consistently taken to the Lord in prayer.
Oh, I’ve prayed about it.
Sort of.
I’ve prayed:
“Lord, please help me not eat this Oreo.”
“Lord, help me get up and walk more.”
And even:
“Lord, please make this broccoli taste more like a bite of chocolate.”
And then…
Nothing.
Well, not nothing.
It’s not that God didn’t hear me.
In fact, there are times when I can almost hear Him laughing.
Not because He doesn’t care.
But because I suspect He knows exactly what I’m doing.
I’m asking Him to help me while still trying to maintain control of the situation myself.
And He probably looks down at me and thinks, “Are we ready to surrender this yet, Vikki?”
Fair question, Lord.
So I’m Going Small
In all seriousness, I’m desperate to take this to the Lord and completely surrender it to Him.
God knows me.
He knows that big goals overwhelm me.
He knows that when I look at a giant mountain, I sometimes spend so much time staring at it that I forget to take the first step.
So here’s my plan:
Little goals.
Little movements.
Small changes.
One day at a time.
Has this all been done before?
Yes.
But two things are different this time.
Two Things I’m Doing Differently
1. I’m Done Chasing Numbers
I refuse to look at numbers anymore.
They bother me.
They discourage me.
And I’ve had enough doctors throw numbers at me along with medication recommendations designed to make those numbers fit into the ever-moving goalposts they call “normal.”
I don’t want my entire health journey reduced to a number on a scale.
I want to focus on being healthier.
Stronger.
More active.
Better nourished.
And able to do more of the things I want to do.
2. I’m Giving This Battle to God
This is the big one.
God has faithfully fought so many other battles with me.
Why I haven’t completely yielded this one to Him is honestly beyond me.
Maybe because some things I still think I can handle on my own.
But Scripture reminds us that God is our very present help in times of trouble.
And I need to remember that includes this.
Galatians 3:13 reminds us that Christ has redeemed us from the curse.
And Psalm 104:14–15 reminds us that God provides the earth with food for us to enjoy and that food brings nourishment and strength.
I love that.
There’s even a little skincare reference in there.
Apparently, God was ahead of the beauty industry, too.
I Don’t Have to Figure It All Out
Clearly, God wants to be involved in this part of my life.
And why I’ve been so reluctant to completely yield it to Him is something I’m still working through.
But I know this much:
I don’t have to figure everything out.
I don’t have to know exactly where this journey will lead.
I don’t have to have the perfect plan.
I just need to obey.
Take the next step.
Make the better choice.
Move my body.
Eat food that nourishes me.
Rest when I need to rest.
And rely on strength that isn’t my own.
My health is still good, and I’m grateful for that.
But I want to do better.
I want to be able to do more with my grandchildren.
I want to be there for them.
But more importantly, I want to do more for myself.
I want to feel stronger.
I want to move more freely.
I want to enjoy this season of my life instead of constantly fighting with my body.
And I want to stop treating my health like something I have to figure out all by myself.
So this time, I’m giving it to God.
One little goal.
One little movement.
One small change.
One obedient step at a time.
And if I mess up?
I’ll start again.
Because apparently, grace applies to diets, too.
Although, I really do wish with all my heart that somewhere in the Bible it specifically mentioned ice cream, chocolate, and cupcakes.
Because clearly, I have questions.
And I feel like Jesus and I could have worked that out.
