Posted in Home & Seasonal Living

My Official Fall Personality

I am an Autumn.

I was born in October, so technically, I have been an Autumn since birth. But I don’t just like fall. I absolutely thrive in it.

There is something that happens to me when the calendar gets closer to October. My entire personality seems to shift. I go from being a grumpy, tired, indoors-loving ogre who spends the summer with her hair thrown back into whatever is coolest, wearing sloppy shorts and a tank top, walking barefoot around the house and drinking iced lattes, to a completely different human being.

Then comes the first hint of fall, and suddenly my entire outlook on life changes.

The windows open. The sweaters come out. The blankets begin migrating into all my favorite corners of the house. I stop refilling the ice cube tray quite as often.

Hot coffee in the morning and a soothing cup of hot tea in the evening suddenly sound like exactly what I need to survive another day.

And honestly?

I love everything about it.

I Was Born an Autumn

I love the smell of burning wood drifting through the neighborhood when people light their first fires of the season. I love watching the world outside transform as the bright blues, whites, and pinks of summer give way to deep reds, oranges, and fiery yellows.

And those colors?

Normally, they aren’t even my favorites. But when fall arrives, suddenly I’m looking at an orange tree like it personally performed a miracle.

Give me a crisp breeze, an open window, a warm blanket, a cup of coffee, and a slightly spooky book, and I am one very happy Autumn.

Maybe that’s why I feel so different when fall arrives. Summer seems to demand things from me.

Go outside.

Enjoy the sunshine.

Be productive.

Get some fresh air.

Fall doesn’t seem to care quite as much. Fall says, “Come inside. Put on a sweater. I’ll make some soup.”

Obviously, we understand each other.

My Home Gets a Seasonal Makeover

My house changes with the season, too.

Suddenly, I want everything to feel warm and cozy. The blankets come out. The candles get switched up. The coffee mugs somehow become more important. My reading spots become sacred territory.

I start thinking about soups, casseroles, and baked things, even though I am perfectly capable of eating the exact same foods I ate in July.

There is just something about fall that makes me want to slow down.

Maybe it’s the cooler temperatures. Maybe it’s the shorter days. Maybe it’s the fact that summer has finally stopped yelling at me to go outside.

Whatever it is, I welcome it.

Fall feels like permission to stay home.

It feels like permission to put on a sweater, grab a book, make something warm to drink, and settle into my favorite chair without feeling like I should be doing something else.

And maybe that’s one of the reasons I love this season so much.

It makes ordinary things feel special. A mug of coffee becomes an event. A blanket becomes a necessity. Opening a window becomes one of the best parts of the day. And sitting quietly with a book suddenly feels like exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Of course, speaking of books…

My Fall Reading Personality Comes Out

Summer me wants sunshine, vacation vibes, and maybe a cute little romance.

Fall me?

Give me an old house. Give me a mysterious woman wandering around an abandoned property. Give me a creaky staircase, a family secret, and something that may or may not be haunting the attic.

Preferably with a cup of tea beside me.

I don’t know what happens to me when fall rolls around, but apparently my reading preferences suddenly develop a deep appreciation for ghosts. And honestly, I’m okay with it.

My light summer and beach reads slowly give way to haunted houses, mysterious old homes, family secrets, forgotten histories, and stories with just enough creepiness to make me want to curl up under a blanket.

Nothing too terrifying, of course.

I’m still trying to sleep at night.

But give me a slightly creepy house, a woman determined to uncover its secrets, and the possibility that something strange happened there fifty years ago?

I’m in. Preferably before dark – although if we’re being honest, that’s when the story gets interesting.

And apparently, my seasonal personality isn’t limited to my reading choices.

It has opinions about my wardrobe, too.

I love Fall fashions!

I go from, “What is the absolute minimum amount of clothing I can wear without getting arrested for indecent exposure?” to, “Look at me! I have layers!”

Sweaters.

Jeans.

Cozy socks.

Cardigans.

I love them all.

There is something incredibly satisfying about putting on a sweater and realizing you are actually comfortable. Even better, I can leave the house without immediately feeling like I’ve walked into a hair dryer. There is something wonderful about stepping outside on a crisp fall morning and realizing you actually need a jacket.

I will take that over sweating while standing perfectly still any day of the week.

And I love the little things that come with it.

The sound of leaves crunching under my feet. The first chilly morning. The smell of coffee drifting through the house. A blanket over my legs while I read (although, that’s me year round). The early evening darkness. A warm meal simmering in the kitchen. The anticipation of Halloween. The beautiful colors everywhere I look.

The feeling that the world itself has slowed down just a little.

Maybe that’s really what I love most.

Fall doesn’t seem to rush me.

And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized just how much I appreciate that.

The Little Things I Notice Now

Fall makes me nostalgic, too.

Maybe that’s part of getting older. Seasons seem to carry memories with them.

I think about my girls when they were little. Halloween costumes. School activities. Chilly mornings. Pumpkin patches. Trips to pick out Halloween candy. All those ordinary little moments that didn’t seem particularly important at the time.

Now those ordinary moments are some of the ones I remember most.

That’s the funny thing about life.

When we’re living through a moment, we don’t always know we’re creating a memory.

We think we’re just making breakfast, driving them to school, picking out Halloween costumes, taking pictures, and watching our kids run around the house. We don’t realize we’re creating memories. We just think we’re living an ordinary day.

Then suddenly, years have passed, and those ordinary moments are the ones we would give almost anything to experience one more time.

Maybe that’s another reason I love fall so much. It reminds me that life doesn’t have to be loud to be beautiful. Sometimes it’s a quiet morning, a warm mug, a good book, and a blanket. Sometimes it’s opening the windows and letting cool air move through the house. Sometimes it’s watching the trees change colors and realizing that change can actually be beautiful. Which, considering I’m approaching 58, is probably a lesson I should appreciate.

Because I am changing, too.

Getting Older Has Its Seasons

I’m not the woman I was in my twenties or thirties.

I’m not even the woman I was ten years ago.

And you know what?

That’s okay.

There are things about getting older that I don’t particularly love. My body has opinions now that it didn’t used to have. My metabolism apparently retired without telling me. My energy doesn’t always cooperate with my plans.

But there are also things I genuinely appreciate about being this age. I know myself a whole lot better than I used to. I know what I like, what I don’t like, what I’m willing to put up with, and what I absolutely am not. I know what matters to me now, and I’m finally getting better at letting the rest go. I’m also learning that changing doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. Maybe it just means I’m not supposed to stay exactly the same forever.

Maybe fall is a good reminder of that.

The trees don’t apologize for losing their leaves.

They don’t panic and say, “Oh no! I’m not green anymore!”

They simply change. They let go of what they don’t need and, eventually, they begin again.

There is something comforting about that.

We spend so much of our lives trying to hold on to who we used to be.

The younger version of ourselves.

The version with different dreams, different responsibilities, different energy, and probably a metabolism that didn’t require a committee meeting before agreeing to burn a calorie.

But maybe we’re not supposed to stay the same.

Maybe we’re supposed to have seasons, too.

Maybe some things are meant to fall away.

Maybe some things are meant to make room for something new.

And maybe getting older isn’t about becoming less of who we were.

Maybe it’s about becoming more comfortable with who we are now.

I don’t know.

I’m still figuring that part out.

But I do know that every year, when the temperatures drop and the leaves begin to change, something in me settles down.

I breathe a little deeper.

I slow down.

I notice things.

I open the windows.

I make coffee.

I pick up a book.

I pull a blanket over my legs.

And for a little while, everything feels exactly as it should.

Fall Me Has Arrived

So yes.

I am officially declaring myself an Autumn.

Not just because I was born in October.

Not just because I love sweaters, hot coffee, cozy blankets, open windows, changing leaves, and slightly creepy books.

But because something about this season feels like home.

Summer me can keep her iced latte and her air conditioning.

Fall me is here.

She’s wearing a sweater, carrying a hot cup of coffee, opening the windows, admiring the leaves, thinking about soup, and probably looking for her next haunted house to read about.

And she is very, very happy to be here.

Posted in Health & Wellness

Weight Loss and Menopause

Let’s Talk About Weight

Let’s talk about my favorite subject: weight loss.

Or weight gain, in my experience.

Or really, weight anything, which bothers me because I was not born into a family known for being “skinny.”

Now, I don’t want to turn this into a “poor me, I’m fat” post. I also don’t want to go on a rant about why fat-shaming still seems to be acceptable in the media when apparently everyone gets offended by everything else.

And I don’t want to spend this post talking about doctors who discount plus-size people the second they look at us and decide they already know what’s wrong.

Because honestly, that one deserves its own post.

How many serious health problems were missed because a doctor looked at a number on a scale and decided that explained everything?

But this post isn’t about any of that.

It’s about my struggle.

More importantly, it’s about what I’m learning in this menopause season of life.

Menopause Is a Beast

Menopause is a beast.

And I don’t think we’ve even discovered all the ways this beast can affect a woman’s body.

One of the most obvious symptoms I’ve experienced?

Weight gain.

Now, I know all the things I could and should be doing to lose weight.

Eat better.

Move more.

Drink more water.

Sleep better.

Manage stress.

And apparently stop eating Oreos like they are part of my treatment plan.

I know all of it.

But that’s not what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about how the weight creeps up on you.

And then…

BOOM!

Fifty pounds has somehow taken up residence on your body.

Overnight.

Okay, maybe not literally overnight.

But it sure feels that way.

And the strangest part?

I didn’t feel like I was doing anything dramatically different from what I had done before.

Yet suddenly, there it was.

And getting it off?

That battle is real.

Because unlike weight loss before menopause, this feels like a battle of the mind and emotions as much as the body.

I’m no doctor, so let me be clear: I’m speaking strictly from my own experience.

Before Menopause, It Felt Simpler

Before menopause, losing weight felt like more of a decision.

Decide.

Find a plan.

Execute.

And, for the most part, my body cooperated.

I could lose weight much more easily than I can now.

Unfortunately, for me, and probably for many women my age, there’s another part of this equation that nobody seems to talk about enough.

Menopause + COVID + Life

Menopause started for me at 50.

And it happened at a particularly difficult time.

I had just lost my mom.

I changed jobs.

I changed housing.

And then…

BOOM.

COVID lockdowns.

Stay home.

No contact with family.

Little contact with the outside world.

No going into the office.

No normal routines.

Just me.

At home.

Day after day.

If women who weren’t going through menopause experienced depression, isolation, anxiety, and what everyone jokingly called the “COVID 20,” imagine what all of that did to someone whose hormones were already doing their own version of a demolition derby.

Looking back, I can see how much those circumstances affected me.

Fast-forward to now, and I’m struggling.

The One Thing I Haven’t Fully Given to God

Here’s where this gets personal.

This may be the one area of my life that I haven’t consistently taken to the Lord in prayer.

Oh, I’ve prayed about it.

Sort of.

I’ve prayed:

“Lord, please help me not eat this Oreo.”

“Lord, help me get up and walk more.”

And even:

“Lord, please make this broccoli taste more like a bite of chocolate.”

And then…

Nothing.

Well, not nothing.

It’s not that God didn’t hear me.

In fact, there are times when I can almost hear Him laughing.

Not because He doesn’t care.

But because I suspect He knows exactly what I’m doing.

I’m asking Him to help me while still trying to maintain control of the situation myself.

And He probably looks down at me and thinks, “Are we ready to surrender this yet, Vikki?”

Fair question, Lord.

So I’m Going Small

In all seriousness, I’m desperate to take this to the Lord and completely surrender it to Him.

God knows me.

He knows that big goals overwhelm me.

He knows that when I look at a giant mountain, I sometimes spend so much time staring at it that I forget to take the first step.

So here’s my plan:

Little goals.
Little movements.
Small changes.
One day at a time.

Has this all been done before?

Yes.

But two things are different this time.

Two Things I’m Doing Differently

1. I’m Done Chasing Numbers

I refuse to look at numbers anymore.

They bother me.

They discourage me.

And I’ve had enough doctors throw numbers at me along with medication recommendations designed to make those numbers fit into the ever-moving goalposts they call “normal.”

I don’t want my entire health journey reduced to a number on a scale.

I want to focus on being healthier.

Stronger.

More active.

Better nourished.

And able to do more of the things I want to do.

2. I’m Giving This Battle to God

This is the big one.

God has faithfully fought so many other battles with me.

Why I haven’t completely yielded this one to Him is honestly beyond me.

Maybe because some things I still think I can handle on my own.

But Scripture reminds us that God is our very present help in times of trouble.

And I need to remember that includes this.

Galatians 3:13 reminds us that Christ has redeemed us from the curse.

And Psalm 104:14–15 reminds us that God provides the earth with food for us to enjoy and that food brings nourishment and strength.

I love that.

There’s even a little skincare reference in there.

Apparently, God was ahead of the beauty industry, too.

I Don’t Have to Figure It All Out

Clearly, God wants to be involved in this part of my life.

And why I’ve been so reluctant to completely yield it to Him is something I’m still working through.

But I know this much:

I don’t have to figure everything out.

I don’t have to know exactly where this journey will lead.

I don’t have to have the perfect plan.

I just need to obey.

Take the next step.

Make the better choice.

Move my body.

Eat food that nourishes me.

Rest when I need to rest.

And rely on strength that isn’t my own.

My health is still good, and I’m grateful for that.

But I want to do better.

I want to be able to do more with my grandchildren.

I want to be there for them.

But more importantly, I want to do more for myself.

I want to feel stronger.

I want to move more freely.

I want to enjoy this season of my life instead of constantly fighting with my body.

And I want to stop treating my health like something I have to figure out all by myself.

So this time, I’m giving it to God.

One little goal.

One little movement.

One small change.

One obedient step at a time.

And if I mess up?

I’ll start again.

Because apparently, grace applies to diets, too.

Although, I really do wish with all my heart that somewhere in the Bible it specifically mentioned ice cream, chocolate, and cupcakes.

Because clearly, I have questions.

And I feel like Jesus and I could have worked that out.

Posted in Life, Lately

Monday Blessings

Monday is never, ever my favorite day.

The weekend is over, and a long week stretches ahead, full of what I like to call “busy nothings.”

If you’re anything like me, you start dreading it on Sunday night as the Great Reset begins. Prepping lunches. Setting up the coffee pot. (I don’t do Keurig, and my Nespresso is reserved for afternoon lattes, should I desire one.) Choosing clothes for the week. Maybe putting away whatever laundry was done over the weekend.

I just don’t like Mondays.

And I don’t like feeling that way.

It makes Sunday go by far too quickly. And since it’s the Lord’s Day, I feel a certain twinge of yuck spending the latter half of it all grousy because Monday is coming.

I was thinking about this last night as I sat with a cup of tea, Percy at my side, wishing I could do anything – ANYTHING – other than work a 9-to-5.

But God has been dealing with me lately about ingratitude over things I once asked Him for. And as I sat there, He reminded me of that.

Suddenly, my mind was flooded with little snapshots from the past weekend, and I realized just how much I have to be grateful for.

Then I wondered: What if I started Monday differently?

What if, instead of beginning the week thinking about everything I don’t want to do, I began by thanking God for everything He has given me?

What if I started Monday with gratitude?

Thankful for the blessings of the weekend. Thankful for the good things that happened during the week. Thankful for the specific, ordinary things that can so easily get overlooked.

So I decided to make it a habit.

And just like that, Monday Blessings was born.

Each Monday, I’ll share at least five specific blessings I’m thanking God for. These won’t necessarily be the big, obvious blessings we enjoy every day – the blood of Jesus, our freedom, our families, our jobs, our homes.

Those are blessings worth thanking God for every single day.

But these will be the specific blessings. The little things. The things that happened this week that made me stop and say, “Thank You, Lord.”

So let’s begin.

1. Two new ladies on my team

The two ladies joining our team at work are wicked smart and absolutely amazing. I can’t wait to work with them, learn from what they know, and finally have some input into how I can grow what has, up until now, been a pretty solitary role.

I’m really looking forward to what this could become.

2. My sister and her selflessness

Once again, my sister cared for Percy while I traveled for the weekend.

He does so well with her, and I’m incredibly grateful that I don’t have to board him when I’m away. Knowing he’s home, comfortable, and being loved makes traveling so much easier.

3. A new perspective

God has given me some new inspiration concerning my overall attitude toward my blessings.

Honestly, just having an attitude change about anything at my age is pretty cool.

But this one feels especially important.

4. Time with my Sophia

I cannot overstate this one.

Every time I see Sophia, there is something new. New growth. New abilities. New movements. New little things she can do that she couldn’t do the last time I saw her.

And I cannot get enough of her hugs.

They are life.

5. Coming home to a home-cooked meal

Again, courtesy of my sister.

But there was just something magical about coming home, sitting down to a lovely home-cooked meal, having a cup of tea, and then settling into my chair.

Nothing spectacular.

Nothing Instagram-worthy.

Just home.

And sometimes, that’s more than enough.

So here I am on Monday morning, trying something new.

Instead of looking at Monday as the end of everything good and the beginning of another long week, I’m choosing to stop and notice what God has already given me.

Because maybe Mondays aren’t the problem.

Maybe I’ve just been looking at them from the wrong direction.

What blessings are you grateful for this Monday?

Photo by Amanda Selby on Unsplash
Posted in Midlife & Beyond

It’s OK to Want Something Just for You

There comes a point in midlife when a question quietly begins to rise in your heart: What do I want? Not what does everyone else need from me. Not what does my job require. Not what would make my family comfortable. But what do I truly desire in this season of life?

For many women, that question feels uncomfortable at first. We spent so many years caring for everyone else that we became experts at knowing what other people needed before they even asked. We managed schedules, carried responsibilities, solved problems, and made sure the people we loved had what they needed. Somewhere along the way, we became so focused on giving that we forgot how to receive.

Then life begins to shift.

Our children grow older. Our homes become quieter. Our responsibilities change. We may still work, still care for others, and still have plenty on our plates, but something feels different. There is a little more space to breathe, and in that space, we may find ourselves wondering if it is okay to want something for ourselves again.

And maybe you have asked yourself the same questions I have.

Is it selfish to want more?

Is it too late to start something new?

Have I already missed my opportunity?

I want to remind you of something I have been learning in this season: God does not stop working in our lives simply because we reach a certain age. He is not finished writing our stories because our children grow up, because our careers change, or because we enter a new chapter.

In fact, sometimes the later seasons of life are where God begins revealing parts of ourselves we never had time to explore before.

The Years When Everyone Else Came First

When I look back over my life, I can see how much of it centered around caring for others. I worked full time. I raised my daughters. I handled responsibilities that needed to be handled because that was the season I was in. There were years when I did not spend much time thinking about what I wanted because there were simply too many other things that needed my attention.

And honestly, I would not change those years.

Those seasons shaped me. They taught me patience, perseverance, compassion, and strength. They showed me how deeply I could love and how much I could carry when life required me to keep going.

But somewhere along the way, like many women, I learned to put myself last.

Maybe you know what that feels like. You make sure everyone else has dinner before you think about what you need. You take care of everyone’s emotions before you acknowledge your own. You celebrate everyone else’s accomplishments while quietly wondering what happened to the dreams you once carried.

The beautiful thing about God is that He does not ask us to erase those years. He uses them.

Every season matters.

Every lesson matters.

Every experience matters.

Rediscovering Yourself in a New Season

One of the biggest surprises of midlife is realizing that you are not the same woman you were twenty years ago.

And that is a good thing.

You have learned. You have grown. You have walked through things you never expected to face. You have gained wisdom that only comes through experience.

But sometimes we struggle because we compare our current season to who we used to be. We expect ourselves to have the same energy, the same desires, and the same dreams we had years ago.

But God is not asking us to stay the same.

He is continually shaping us.

Isaiah 43:19 says, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

I love this reminder because God specializes in new beginnings. He does not look at our age, our past mistakes, or the years we spent focused on others and decide our best days are behind us.

He sees a woman with wisdom.

He sees a woman with experience.

He sees a woman who has been refined through every season she has walked through.

Wanting Something for Yourself Does Not Mean You Love Others Less

I think many women struggle with guilt when they begin wanting something different. We wonder if pursuing our own interests means we are becoming selfish. We worry that making space for ourselves means we are taking something away from the people we love.

But I am learning that gratitude and desire can exist together.

You can be thankful for the life God has given you and still feel Him calling you toward something new.

You can love your family deeply and still make room for your own dreams.

You can appreciate your career and still wonder if God has another purpose waiting for you.

Wanting something for yourself does not mean you are unhappy with your life. Sometimes it means God is reminding you that He created you with gifts, passions, and purpose that still matter.

James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.”

The dreams, talents, and interests God placed inside you are not mistakes. They are part of how He created you.

Learning to Receive After a Lifetime of Giving

For many years, I understood love primarily through giving. I gave my time. I gave my energy. I gave my attention. I gave whatever was needed because that is what love often looks like.

But this season is teaching me that God also invites me to receive.

To receive rest.

To receive joy.

To receive creativity.

To receive the gifts He has placed inside me.

Sometimes women are comfortable serving but uncomfortable allowing themselves to be cared for. We know how to show up for everyone else, but we struggle to believe we are worthy of making space for ourselves.

Yet Jesus Himself modeled rest. Throughout Scripture, we see Him stepping away, praying, and making time to reconnect with the Father.

If Jesus needed moments of rest and renewal, we should not feel guilty for needing them too.

What Does God Still Have For You?

Maybe there is something you have always wanted to do but never had the opportunity to pursue.

Maybe you want to write.

Maybe you want to start a new career.

Maybe you want to create something with your hands.

Maybe you want to volunteer, learn, travel, or simply slow down enough to enjoy the life you have built.

Whatever it is, bring it before God.

Ask Him what this season can look like.

Ask Him what dreams He wants to awaken.

Ask Him what parts of yourself you may have forgotten while caring for everyone else.

Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”

God is not surprised by this season of your life. He already knows where you are going, and He can guide each step forward.

You Are Not Too Late

I think many women need permission to admit they still have dreams.

So let me remind you today: you are not too old, and you are not too late.

God is still working.

God is still creating.

God is still calling.

The same God who strengthened you through the demanding seasons of motherhood, career, and responsibility is the same God who walks with you now.

Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

That does not mean God gives us every desire we have. It means that as we walk closely with Him, He shapes our hearts and guides our dreams according to His purpose.

Maybe this season is not about becoming someone new.

Maybe it is about finally making room for the woman God has been shaping all along.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

I would love to hear from you. What is something you have always wanted to do but kept putting aside because everyone else needed you first?

Maybe this is the season to bring that dream back to God and ask Him what He wants to do with it.

Share your thoughts in the comments. Your story may be the encouragement another woman needs today.

Because your story is not over.

God is still writing it.