Posted in Faith, Food and Forward Steps

Until I’m Skinny Enough to Deserve Treatment

I’ve lived most of my adult life in the uncomfortable intersection of womanhood and size. Every doctor’s appointment, every lab test, every routine checkup carries with it a quiet but unmistakable message: “Until I’m skinny enough, my health concerns aren’t serious.” And if I’m being honest, that message has shaped not just how I feel about my body, but how I feel about seeking care at all.

Walking into a medical office as a plus-size woman is like stepping onto a stage where I’ve already been judged. Before a single symptom is addressed, I know that assumptions will be made, advice will be given, and my experiences will be filtered through the lens of my size. And after years of this, the anxiety it breeds has become almost unbearable.

Every Visit Starts the Same Way

It doesn’t matter what issue brings me into the office. A lingering ache in my knees? Fatigue that never lifts? Digestive issues? Even these can’t escape the gravitational pull of weight bias. I’ve been told, more times than I can count, that if I just lost weight, all my problems would disappear. Sometimes this comes gently, sometimes as a directive. Either way, the effect is the same: my symptoms are diminished, my experiences dismissed, my body blamed before my voice is heard.

And it’s exhausting. The mental preparation for each visit, the internal debate about whether it’s “worth it” to face judgment again, has caused me to avoid care altogether at times. The fear of walking into that room, of being met with assumptions and subtle condescension, is overwhelming.

The Mental Health Toll

Living under this constant scrutiny has affected more than my physical health. It has chipped away at my mental well-being. I feel an underlying anxiety every time I think about needing medical care. It’s a strange mix of fear, frustration, and self-doubt. I question whether my concerns are valid enough to raise, whether my body is “worthy” of attention, and whether seeking help will simply lead to judgment.

This anxiety doesn’t stay at the clinic door. It follows me home. It colors the way I think about my body, my health, and even my daily choices. When the system that’s supposed to protect you starts to feel like a threat, it’s impossible not to feel vulnerable, powerless, and alone.

Health Shouldn’t Be Conditional

The cruel irony is that weight does not define wellness. Conditions like thyroid disorders, diabetes, polycystic ovary syndrome, cardiovascular issues, and even chronic fatigue affect women of all sizes. Yet, for plus-size women, the default explanation is always the same: your weight is the problem.

This approach isn’t just dismissive—it’s dangerous. When doctors focus on size rather than symptoms, testing is delayed, treatment is postponed, and serious health issues can go unnoticed. Preventive screenings, which could save lives, are sometimes avoided or inadequately administered because equipment or assumptions fail to accommodate larger bodies. Health should not be a reward for shrinking. It should be a right, available to all, right now.

The Emotional Labor of Advocacy

Over the years, I’ve had to become my own advocate in a system that often feels designed to overlook me. I’ve learned to ask questions, insist on tests, and push for proper evaluation. I’ve had to insist that my symptoms are legitimate and that my health matters. But the emotional labor required for this is immense. Every visit takes energy, courage, and mental fortitude—energy I wish I could spend on healing instead of defending my existence.

I know I’m not alone in this. Thousands of plus-size women navigate the same bias daily, negotiating a healthcare system that seems to care more about the size of our bodies than the complexity of our symptoms. This isn’t about vanity. It’s about survival, dignity, and justice.

Reframing What Health Means

I’ve had to reframe my understanding of health and self-worth. Health is not a number on a scale. It is function, wellness, emotional resilience, and the ability to live a fulfilling life. My body deserves care not because it meets societal standards, but because it is mine—and because I am worthy of attention, compassion, and respect.

Even when the system fails, I’ve learned to advocate, speak out, and refuse to internalize blame. I’ve connected with supportive providers, therapists, and communities that understand size-inclusive care. I’ve discovered that acknowledging my worth is a radical act in a world that too often equates thinness with legitimacy.

Moving Toward Change

Change will not happen overnight, but it starts with awareness. Healthcare professionals must confront their biases, listen without judgment, and provide care that is evidence-based rather than assumption-driven. Clinics need equipment, resources, and protocols that accommodate all bodies.

And patients like me must continue to advocate—not just for ourselves, but for every woman who has felt invisible or dismissed. By sharing our experiences, by insisting on proper treatment, and by refusing to let our health be conditional, we can challenge the harmful systems that have persisted for far too long.

Conclusion: Health Without Conditions

For decades, I’ve faced the implicit message: “Until you’re skinny enough, your health concerns don’t matter.” But I refuse to believe that my size determines my right to care. Every woman deserves treatment, compassion, and attention—without judgment, without delay, and without preconditions.

We deserve to walk into a clinic and know our voices will be heard, our concerns validated, and our bodies respected. Until that becomes the standard, we continue to share our stories, advocate fiercely, and demand a healthcare system that sees us—exactly as we are.

Because health should never be conditional. It should always be a right.

Photo by Shaun Meintjes on Unsplash

Posted in Moments and Musings

Doubting Thomas, Loving Savior

It It wasn’t an accident that Jesus went to the cross. Likewise, it wasn’t an accident that He returned with scars. In fact, those very scars became the proof one of His beloved disciples needed to believe.

John 20:24–27 (NLT) tells the story: Thomas, nicknamed “the Twin,” wasn’t with the other disciples when Jesus appeared. They excitedly told him, “We have seen the Lord!” However, Thomas replied, “I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in his hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in his side.”

Eight days later, Thomas joined the disciples again. Although the doors were locked, Jesus appeared as He had before. “Peace be with you,” He said. Then He addressed Thomas directly: “Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side. Don’t be faithless any longer. Believe!”

Doubting Thomas—Misunderstood

For much of my childhood, I learned to see Thomas as a cautionary tale. In other words, doubt equaled weakness. Faith meant blind trust. Teachers and Sunday school lessons framed Thomas as the disciple we should avoid becoming. Consequently, I judged him harshly. I convinced myself I would have believed immediately. I imagined my own courage and faithfulness.

However, I wasn’t there.

I didn’t witness the man I loved and trusted—my Teacher, my Messiah—beaten, mocked, and nailed to a cross. Moreover, I didn’t stand helpless while hope seemed to die. I didn’t live in fear that if they killed Him, they might come for me next. Furthermore, I didn’t navigate the confusion of grief colliding with rumors of resurrection. Finally, I didn’t have to walk into a locked room carrying longing, fear, and hope all at once.

Thomas did.

Jesus Meets Thomas Where He Is

When I slow down and examine the story, something remarkable stands out: Jesus never scolds Thomas. He doesn’t sigh. He doesn’t shame him. He doesn’t compare him to the others. In fact, He doesn’t label him weak.

Instead, Jesus meets him exactly where he is. He doesn’t dismiss Thomas’s questions or doubts. Furthermore, He doesn’t hide His scars. He doesn’t rush him. Rather, He invites Thomas closer, offering the proof Thomas asked for generously and patiently.

“Put your finger here,” Jesus says. “Look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side.”

This isn’t reluctance. Nor is it irritation. Instead, it’s generosity. Jesus wants Thomas to believe, and He uses His wounds as reassurance, not as a weapon of shame. He doesn’t rebuke him. In fact, He lovingly honors Thomas’s honesty.

The Joy in Belief Born From Doubt

I imagine Jesus rejoicing as Thomas’s doubt transforms into belief. After all, the Savior, who endured the cross and conquered death, delights in seeing His disciple’s faith come alive. Furthermore, Jesus doesn’t see Thomas’s need for proof as a threat; He welcomes it.

This truth completely changed how I view faith. I realized that faith doesn’t mean the absence of doubt. On the contrary, faith means bringing our doubts to Jesus instead of walking away with them. Thomas didn’t pretend. He didn’t perform faith he didn’t feel yet. Instead, he was honest, and Jesus honored that honesty.

The Lies We Believe About Doubt

How often do we believe the lie that God is disappointed when we question? How often do we think we must arrive with perfect faith? Yet Jesus, standing in a locked room, offers peace first and proof second. Likewise, He meets our searching hearts with open hands, not condemnation.

We don’t have to fear bringing our doubts to God. We don’t have to hide the questions that swirl inside us. Instead, Jesus draws closer. He meets us with patience and grace.

What Thomas Teaches Us About Faith

Thomas teaches us that doubt isn’t failure. Questions aren’t sin. Longing and fear aren’t disqualifications. Faith grows when we are honest, when we bring our curiosity, confusion, and need for reassurance directly to Jesus. Rather than scolding, Jesus meets us with love.

Moreover, those scars on Jesus’ hands and side carry the story of love, sacrifice, and victory. They aren’t reminders of failure. Instead, they are proof of faithfulness. They show us that every step toward belief matters—even the steps that come after doubt.

Faith isn’t perfect. Faith isn’t instant. Faith is a journey, a conversation, and sometimes a wrestling match. Yet Jesus stands there through it all, inviting us to trust Him, meet Him, and bring Him our questions.

Finally, Thomas reminds us that belief grows in the presence of love and patience. That’s a grace we can carry into every locked room of fear and uncertainty. That’s the Savior we follow—one who welcomes doubt, honors honesty, and celebrates every step toward faith.

Photo by Pisit Heng on Unsplash

Posted in Moments and Musings

Commit. Align. Establish.

Proverbs 16:3
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.”

There are two powerful words in this verse: commit and establish.
To commit means “to carry into action deliberately.”
To establish means “to institute permanently by enactment or agreement.”

In other words, commit is an action word. It requires intention. God isn’t asking us to drift through life hoping things fall into place—He’s asking us to deliberately include Him in what we do. When our plans align with His Word, He honors that alignment by establishing them—making them steady, secure, and lasting.

Several years ago, I was in a relationship with a man who openly admitted he had a difficult relationship with God. He had walked through deep pain, and that pain had shaken his belief in God’s love. On the surface, everything looked solid. We planned to get married. He loved my kids, I loved his, and he was even willing to have my mom live with us after the wedding.

But one day, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper,
“Are you ever going to include Me in this?”

And I knew exactly why I hadn’t.
My honest answer to God was, “No… because I already know what You’re going to say.”
I knew I was unequally matched. I knew the compromises I had made in my heart. I knew this relationship wasn’t built on the foundation God desired for me.

God didn’t argue.
He didn’t force.
He simply waited—like the gentleman He is.

While He waited, He gently reminded me again and again:
“My plans are higher. My ways are better.”

And as time went on, the relationship started to fray. Things that once felt certain began to unravel. Eventually, I went to God and said,
“I yield, Father. I commit this relationship to You. Direct me. I want to please You more than I want to please myself.”

I prayed for myself, for him, for our children, and for healing where it was needed. And then I ended the relationship.

The moment I did, I felt shackles fall.
The enemy lost.
God spared me from what would have surely become another heartbreak—and possibly another divorce.

Friends, when we align our lives and our plans with the Word of God, the hardest part is already done. God honors His Word. When we commit our plans to Him, He begins to shape, strengthen, and establish them. He opens paths where there were none. He gives wisdom and ideas. He provides for what He Himself has approved—because ultimately, they become His plans too.

If you want to know God’s plans for your life, look to His Word. The Bible isn’t just a love story—it’s a blueprint. A guide. A light that never fails.

So let me ask you:
What plans are you making for your life right now?
Have you included God in those plans?
And can I pray with you today?

Prayer:
“Heavenly Father, thank You for the good, hopeful plans You have made for me. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that Your plans are not for my harm but for my future and my hope. As I align my steps with Your Word, I thank You that You are establishing my plans and causing them to succeed. Give me continued wisdom, clarity, and a heart that stays sensitive to Your guidance. Let Your Word remain a constant light to my path. I thank You for all of this, in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Posted in Moments and Musings

Fresh Mercy, Full Hearts

One of my favorite Christmas movies is The Bishop’s Wife. There’s a scene—my mom’s favorite—where Cary Grant’s character, Dudley, counsels Professor Wutheridge (played by Monty Woolley). They’re sharing a bottle of wine, and every time Wutheridge goes to refill their glasses, he finds Dudley’s already full. In the background, we see Dudley discreetly lift his finger, using his angel abilities to refill not only the glasses but the bottle too.

I thought about that scene this morning during my walk with Percy. I was saying my usual “good mornings” to God. (I don’t have super wordy prayers anymore unless I feel led by the Spirit. Mostly, I just talk to Him throughout the day—simple, honest, real.) I was appreciating the beauty of a brand new morning when suddenly a quote from Anne of Green Gables drifted into my mind:

“Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it.”
—Lucy Maud Montgomery

And right there, on that quiet walk, I felt a rush of relief and peace. If you’re a Failed Perfectionist like I am, you know exactly why that line hits so deeply. There’s something comforting about knowing you get a whole new set of chances each day. Most nights, perfectionists fall asleep trying to outrun the list of everything we didn’t get right. So waking up to a clean slate feels like someone lovingly wiped down the whiteboard of our minds.

Then another reminder came, this time from Scripture—Lamentations 3:22–23 (ESV):

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.”

God’s mercy is new every morning. Fresh. Abundant. Undeserved. Prepared ahead of time. Never failing.

For someone like me—someone who is chronically hard on herself—that truth needed to sit with me for a while. And as it did, the Holy Spirit brought that scene from The Bishop’s Wife back to mind. Just like Dudley kept refilling the professor’s glass over and over, God continually replenishes us with mercy, grace, favor, and love. Every time we draw from His supply, He instantly refills. And unlike Dudley, He doesn’t even wait for morning to do it.

I know this might sound simple to some, but God knows how He made me. He knows my process-driven brain. He knows I’m a visual learner. He knows if I don’t understand something fully, I’ll get frustrated—and then I’ll quit. So He gives me examples I can see, feel, and picture. He meets me exactly where I am.

He knows us perfectionists so well.

So as you head into your weekend—and as you wake up tomorrow morning—remember this: there is brand new, shiny, untouched mercy waiting for you. More than enough mercy. It never runs out. It never grows stale. You will never reach the bottom of the glass or the bottle.

Because He is a God of more than enough.

Photo by Olga Kovalski on Unsplash
Posted in Moments and Musings

Stop Trying to Be Perfect—God’s Making Something New in You

The Old Is Gone, the New Is Here
2 Corinthians 5:17

Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you’re still not enough? Not smart enough, not good enough, not even close to where you think you should be? You’re not alone. And here’s the best news: God is in the process of making all things new—even you—right now.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

Can I be honest? For a long time, I thought this verse only applied to new Christians. I’d read it and think, “Well, that’s great… but I’ve been born again for a while now, so… this doesn’t really apply to me.”

But recently, as I was looking for verses about starting a new season, this one popped up. I almost swiped past it—again—when the Spirit whispered, “Wait! This IS for you. I’m doing something new in you right now. And five minutes from now, I’ll still be doing something new. And tomorrow, I’ll still be doing something new.”

Isn’t that the BEST news ever?

Lately, it feels like every flaw, every insecurity in me is highlighted, underlined, and bolded in my brain. There’s a cruel voice that circles endlessly, saying:

  • You’re not good enough.
  • You’re too old.
  • You’re too dumb.
  • You’re a failure.

And just when I start to feel the weight of it all, another voice joins in with condemnation: “And what’s worse, you know better. You don’t pray enough. You don’t read the Word enough. God isn’t using you… and maybe He can’t.”

If you listen long enough, these voices drown out the encouragement spoken over you every day by people who love you and see the truth.

It’s no secret that the devil lies. He wants you to feel isolated, depressed, and unworthy. He thrives on comparison. But here’s the good news: it’s also no secret that God has overcome evil. He sees when you feel low, unloved, and worthless. He is a present help in times of need, and He uses His people to remind you who you are in Him.

I’ve spent a lifetime trying—and failing—to be perfect. (Imagine that!) Very recently, during a walk with my dog, God whispered to me: Stop being so hard on yourself. I already died for you. I already approve of you. I already love you, and nothing can stop that. I’m not done with you. And until Jesus returns, I never will be. All you need to do is accept and receive.

Easier said than done some days—but, like billions of others, I’m a work in progress.

So why write this blog? And why does this verse suddenly hit differently?

Because Jesus. Plain and simple.

The old is gone, and the new is here because of Him. I used to read this verse as a linear, “one-and-done” promise: You’re born again—BOOM—you’re new. End scene. Read your Bible. Pray. Repeat. But it’s not a single event; it’s an ongoing process.

Revelation 21:5 says, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

  • Behold means to observe something remarkable.
  • Making is an action word—something God is actively doing.

God is always in the process of removing the old and bringing in the new. And thankfully, He’s not a one-size-fits-all God. He knows our struggles, our weaknesses, our perfectionism, and He meets us right where we are.

So why this verse matters:

  • The old things are gone. They don’t define you anymore.
  • The new is here. Jesus is making things new in your life—right now, in this moment.
  • It’s a process, happening over and over again. Daily. Moment by moment.

Jesus is the new. He’s here. Now. And He is enough.

You don’t have to earn God’s love, fix yourself, or be perfect. The process is already happening. The old is gone. The new is here. And it’s all because of Jesus. All you need to do is accept it—and let Him keep making you new.

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash