Posted in Faith After 50

But God…

I have a confession to make.

I’m a very happy single woman.

I’ve been married. I’ve also been divorced for twenty years now, which means I’ve been divorced twice as long as I was married. And honestly? I enjoy my life.

Like many young people, I got married for all the wrong reasons. While that marriage gave me the two greatest blessings of my life – my daughters – it also brought tremendous heartache. The relationship was emotionally and verbally abusive, and eventually it ended in divorce.

The Danger of Ignoring God’s Warnings

I entered that marriage as a Christian and married someone who didn’t have a relationship with God.

Like so many others before me, I thought I could save him. I thought my faith would be enough for both of us. I believed I could somehow make it work.

It doesn’t work that way.

God doesn’t work that way.

There’s a reason Scripture warns us against being unequally yoked.

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)

But I was young. I was stubborn. And I didn’t want to listen.

Imagine my surprise when, nine years ago, I almost, almost, made the same mistake again.

This time, the man wasn’t simply indifferent toward God. He had an adversarial relationship with Him.

Thankfully, God intervened before history repeated itself.

Running from a Conversation with God

When we started dating, I knew deep down the relationship wasn’t right.

You know those sins we try to hide from God, as if He doesn’t already know? The situations we avoid praying about because we’re afraid of His answer?

That was me.

For months, I didn’t talk to God about the relationship at all. Meanwhile, the relationship became more serious. We started discussing marriage.

What should have been exciting wasn’t.

No one in my life seemed enthusiastic about the relationship. Looking back, I can see why. The warning signs were everywhere.

But I wasn’t paying attention. All I could see was financial security. My mother wouldn’t have to worry about money. I wouldn’t have a mortgage. Life would be easier.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

When Reality Sets In

Then the cracks started showing.

He began telling me what kind of mother I should be. He encouraged my older daughter in choices that directly contradicted my biblical convictions. He routinely brushed aside my younger daughter while prioritizing his own children—children who were carrying significant emotional baggage and unresolved issues.

Suddenly, the future I had imagined didn’t look so appealing.

And then God stepped in.

The Conversation I Couldn’t Avoid

One morning, while I was getting ready for work, I heard God’s voice clearly.

“Are you ever going to talk with Me about this relationship?”

Without hesitation, I answered, “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I already know Your answer. And it will be no.”

Then God said something I’ll never forget.

“The choice is always yours. But no, this isn’t what I have for you.”

Then He added gently:

“But I still want to talk with you about it. I love you, and I want to hear from you.”

I broke. I knew God already knew everything. He knew my heart. He knew my fears. He knew my motives.

Yet He still wanted me to come to Him.

Not because He needed information.

Because He wanted relationship.

Surrender Changes Everything

That morning I finally prayed.

“God, I’m sorry I’ve tried to hide this from You. If this isn’t from You, please help me make the decision to end it. Prevent the hurt before it happens. I submit my heart to You.”

The moment I prayed, the burden lifted.

I knew exactly what I needed to do.

So I ended the relationship.

The People We Allow to Influence Us Matter

Why share all of this?

Because I know I’m not the only one who has ignored God’s warnings.

And because who we allow into our inner circle matters.

During that relationship, a close friend continually encouraged me toward marriage. Her message wasn’t intentionally harmful, but it wasn’t biblical either.

Her belief was simple: I was incomplete because I was single.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I’ve always taught my daughters never to expect another human being to complete them. Only God can do that.

No person is responsible for making us whole.

No person is responsible for creating our happiness.

Because eventually, every human being will disappoint us.

If our identity, security, and joy rest on another person, what happens when that person fails?

We already see the consequences all around us. Our culture constantly confuses lust with love and happiness with joy.

But they’re not the same thing.

Joy Is Better Than Happiness

I believe God wants good things for His children.

But more than temporary happiness, He wants to fill us with lasting joy.

“You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16:11)

Joy comes from Him.

It isn’t dependent on circumstances, relationships, bank accounts, or marital status.

When our hearts are full of God’s joy, healthy relationships become an overflow rather than a necessity.

That’s a completely different way of living.

Looking Back at God’s Protection

Sometimes I think about what my life would look like if I hadn’t listened.

What would have happened to my daughters?

How would their lives have changed?

Would my precious granddaughter even exist today? The thought alone makes me shudder.

As I look back, I can see things more clearly than I could then. God revealed that this man was making me his idol. At the same time, I would have made saving him mine.

Neither of us would have been pursuing God first.

And if I’m being honest, I likely would have added another divorce to my life’s résumé.

Instead, God protected me. Not because I deserved it. Not because I had done everything right.

But because He loved me enough to interrupt my plans.

But God…

Those two words have changed countless stories throughout Scripture.

Abraham was old, but God.

Joseph was betrayed, but God.

The Israelites were trapped, but God.

Jesus was crucified, but God raised Him from the dead.

And in my own small story, I was headed toward another painful mistake, but God stepped in.

He pursued me when I was avoiding Him. He spoke when I wasn’t listening. He protected me from consequences I couldn’t yet see. And He reminded me that obedience may cost something in the moment, but it always leads to something better.

Maybe you’re facing a decision right now that you’ve been reluctant to bring before God.

Perhaps you already know what He’s saying, and that’s exactly why you’ve avoided the conversation.

Can I encourage you?

Talk to Him anyway.

Not because He doesn’t already know.

But because He loves you and wants to hear from you.

And sometimes the greatest blessings in our lives begin with two simple words:

But God.

Posted in Faith After 50

How I Finally Fell in Love with Bible Study

Recently, I started the A Year in the Bible study from The Daily Grace Co. I had been searching for something in-depth that would guide me through Scripture every day. More than anything, I wanted to go deeper in my faith. I wanted to know God’s heart better, understand His Word more clearly, and grow closer to Him.

My Struggle with Reading the Bible

If I’m being honest, reading the Bible has often felt like a chore.

I love fiction. Give me a good novel, and I’ll happily disappear into its pages for hours. Non-fiction? That’s another story. In fact, if you hand me almost any book and tell me I have to read it, there’s a good chance I’ll resist. I’ve always been a little stubborn that way.

Thankfully, God knows me better than I know myself.

He knows I’m a process-driven person who is constantly searching for the “perfect system.” It probably didn’t surprise Him at all when I spent months looking for the right Bible study program before finally settling on one.

But eventually, I realized something needed to change.

A Prayer God Answered

I began praying a simple prayer:

“Lord, give me a love for Your Word that I’ve never had before. Help me enjoy learning about You.”

God has answered that prayer in ways I never expected.

For the first time in many years, I genuinely look forward to my Bible study time. While colorful pens and pretty highlighters certainly make the process more enjoyable, they can’t compare to the joy that comes from learning more about my Heavenly Father.

God’s Word reminds us:

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.” — Psalm 119:105 (NLT)

The more time I spend in Scripture, the more I realize how true that is.

My Top Five Bible Study Tools

If you’re looking to build a consistent Bible study habit, these are the tools that have helped me the most.

1. A Bible You Can Actually Study

Two years ago, my sister gave me a Life Application Study Bible in the New Living Translation, and it completely changed my Bible-reading experience.

I know some Christians strongly prefer the King James Version or New King James Version. That’s perfectly fine. But for me, understanding what I’m reading matters most.

I needed a translation written in language I could easily understand so I could focus on learning rather than decoding.

The Life Application Study Bible includes character profiles, historical context, practical application notes, and study helps throughout the text. Those features have helped me understand both the well-known and lesser-known people in Scripture.

As Proverbs 4:7 reminds us:

“Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.” (NLT)

A Bible you understand is one of the best tools for gaining that wisdom.

2. Highlighters

Different colors make learning more enjoyable.

Maybe that sounds simple, but when I enjoy a learning process, I remember it better.

You can assign colors to themes, promises, commands, prayers, or specific people. There isn’t a right or wrong way to do it.

Bible study should be engaging. I truly believe that.

3. Pens (And Lots of Them)

You’re going to want to take notes.

That’s why I recommend getting a Bible you feel comfortable writing in. If you’re trying to preserve Grandma’s beautiful Bible in pristine condition, set it safely on the shelf and buy one you can underline, circle, and fill with notes.

Then grab some colorful pens.

You can color-code your observations if you’d like, but mostly you’ll want room to capture what God is teaching you as you read.

4. A Ruler

This one might sound strange, but hear me out.

I love marking up my Bible. I do not love crooked lines.

A simple six-inch ruler helps me underline passages neatly and organize notes in the margins. It may not be essential for everyone, but for fellow detail-oriented Bible students, it’s a small tool that makes a big difference.

5. Notebooks

Actually, get more than one.

The more God reveals through His Word, the more you’ll want to write down. I’ve already filled pages with observations, questions, prayers, and lessons I don’t want to forget.

Habakkuk 2:2 says:

“Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.” (NLT)

There is something powerful about writing down what God is teaching you.

Finding a Bible Study Plan That Works

Along with these tools, I recommend finding a Bible study plan that fits your personality and learning style.

Some people thrive without a structured plan. Others, like me, need accountability and a clear roadmap.

I happened to catch a great sale from The Daily Grace Co. and purchased their entire spiral-bound A Year in the Bible series. Having a daily guide helps me stay consistent and focused.

The key isn’t finding the perfect program.

The key is finding one you’ll actually use.

Don’t Forget Prayer

Of all the tools I’ve mentioned, prayer is the most important.

I begin every Bible study session with prayer, and I end every session the same way.

Before I open my Bible, I ask God to reveal Himself to me. I ask Him to teach me, guide me, and help me understand what He wants me to learn.

James 1:5 gives us this promise:

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you.” (NLT)

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

And even though I’m only a few weeks into this study, I already feel like I know God in a deeper and more personal way.

I’d Love to Hear From You

What Bible study are you currently doing?

Do you have favorite Bible study tools or accessories that help you stay engaged and consistent?

Share them in the comments. I’m always looking for new ideas, and I’d love to hear what works for you.

Posted in Faith After 50

Finding Grace in Ordinary Days

I used to think grace showed up in the big moments.

The breakthroughs.
The answered prayers.
The spiritual highs where you wake up early, sip hot coffee, journal deeply, quote Scripture effortlessly, and somehow feel like you have your entire life together.

You know… not most Tuesdays.

Because lately, my life looks more like this:

  • Reheating the same cup of coffee three times
  • Walking into a room and forgetting why
  • Starting one task and somehow ending up reorganizing a drawer I never intended to open

And right there—in the middle of my messy, distracted, beautifully ordinary life—God still shows up.

Not with fireworks.
Not with dramatic revelations.
But with grace.

Grace in the Interruptions

I love a good plan.

I wake up determined to be productive, focused, and efficient. Then life happens.

The phone rings.
Someone needs something.
A problem appears that wasn’t on my carefully organized schedule.

And suddenly the entire day shifts.

For a long time, interruptions frustrated me because they felt like obstacles. But I’m learning that God often works in the very moments I try hardest to avoid.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” — Proverbs 16:9

God has never once checked my planner before redirecting my day.

And yet He wastes nothing.

Sometimes grace looks like patience when irritation would be easier. Sometimes it’s simply realizing that the interruption may actually matter more than the plan I had in mind.

Grace for the Unfinished To-Do List

Can we talk about the list?

I write ambitious lists as if I’m preparing to conquer the world before dinner. By the end of the day, half of it remains unfinished.

And immediately the guilt creeps in:
You didn’t do enough.

But maybe that isn’t true.

Maybe real life simply happened.

Maybe the day wasn’t unproductive just because it didn’t unfold exactly the way I expected.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9

Grace doesn’t stand over us with criticism and disappointment.

Grace reminds us that faithfulness matters more than perfection.

Grace With Difficult People

We all have people who test our patience.

The ones who say exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong moment.

And suddenly every peaceful, Christlike thought disappears.

That’s when grace becomes practical.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another…” — Ephesians 4:32

Not because people always deserve it.
Not because we always feel like it.
But because grace changes how we respond.

I don’t always get it right. But I’ve noticed something lately:

I recover faster.

I pause more often.
I react less quickly.
I apologize sooner.

That’s growth.

Grace in Starting Over

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is this:

You will have to start over many times in life.

You’ll fall back into old habits.
You’ll struggle with things you thought you had already overcome.
You’ll disappoint yourself.

But starting over is not failure.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning…” — Lamentations 3:22–23

New mercy. Every morning.

God never looks at us and says,
“I’m tired of helping you.”

Grace says:
“Get back up. We’re still moving forward.”

Grace in the Quiet, Unseen Moments

Some of the holiest moments in life are the ones nobody notices.

The times you choose kindness instead of sarcasm.
The moments you stay quiet instead of retaliating.
The prayers nobody hears.
The obedience nobody applauds.

“Your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” — Matthew 6:4

God sees every unseen act of faithfulness.

Nothing done for Him is ever wasted.

Grace When You Don’t Feel Spiritual

Some days prayer feels easy.

Other days you sit down to read your Bible and suddenly remember laundry, emails, dinner, and twelve other unfinished things.

And the enemy whispers:
Look at you. You call this spiritual?

But God says something much simpler:

“Come near to God and He will come near to you.” — James 4:8

He doesn’t ask us to come perfectly.
He simply asks us to come.

Grace invites us into God’s presence exactly as we are.

Grace in the Slow Becoming

At 57, I sometimes hear the quiet pressure of time.

The feeling that maybe I should have figured more out by now.
The wondering if I’m behind somehow.

But God keeps reminding me:
I am not behind.

I am becoming.

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…” — Philippians 1:6

Growth rarely happens all at once.

It happens slowly. Quietly. Faithfully.

Layer by layer.
Lesson by lesson.
Day by day.

And God is still working.

Don’t Miss God in the Ordinary

We often expect God to appear in dramatic moments.

Meanwhile, He keeps showing up in ordinary life:

  • The interruption
  • The unfinished list
  • The difficult conversation
  • The quiet obedience
  • The slow growth

Grace is not rare.

It is constant.

So if you feel like you’re missing God lately, you probably aren’t.

You may simply need to notice Him in the ordinary moments where He’s already been all along.

A Prayer for Everyday Grace

Lord,

Help me recognize Your presence in the middle of ordinary life.

When my plans change, give me peace.
When my list goes unfinished, remind me that my worth is not measured by productivity.
When difficult people test my patience, help me respond with grace.
Teach me to begin again without shame.
Open my eyes to the quiet ways You are growing me each day.

And when I don’t feel spiritual at all, remind me that You still invite me close.

Thank You for meeting me with fresh grace every single day.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out via Unsplash
Posted in Faith After 50

Women’s Health for Plus-Size Women

If you’re like me, you probably thought by now some of the biggest challenges in women’s health would have been solved. Yet here we are—still talking about the same things. Honestly? I think this topic might always be on repeat. But for plus-size women, it feels a little louder, a little messier, and a lot more persistent.

And if you know me, you know I’ve already overthought this topic… probably argued with three imaginary people about it in my head… and maybe even stitched a little “fix the world” message into my latest crochet project while thinking it through. That’s just how my brain works.

Healthcare Bias: Still Alive and Kicking

Let’s start with the obvious. Weight bias in healthcare is real. It’s that feeling you get when your doctor immediately assumes every symptom is about your size—or worse, when your concerns are dismissed entirely.

I’ve had enough experiences (and overanalyzed them repeatedly, of course) to know that plus-size women often have to fight twice as hard for proper care:

  • Symptoms ignored or misattributed
  • Treatments offered without nuance
  • Judgments tucked into questions like “Have you tried losing weight?”

It’s exhausting—and it’s unacceptable. But it’s reality we still have to name, and honestly, probably will keep naming until the system catches up.

Mental Health: A Double Whammy

Now let’s talk about the mental load. For plus-size women, mental health challenges are often compounded by societal judgment. Anxiety, stress, and depression can come from real-life pressures—and the constant messaging that we “should” look different.

I overthink. I plan. I argue with strangers in my head. And somehow, that also translates into worrying about everyone else’s expectations while trying to keep myself sane.

Tips I’ve learned that actually help (even if I argue about them internally first):

  • Journaling your thoughts—even the messy, overcomplicated ones
  • Creative outlets like crochet or embroidery to calm the mind
  • Saying “no” to things that drain energy—without guilt
  • Connecting with people who get it (even if it’s just online)

Your mental health is part of your health. Full stop.

Fitness Without Shame (or Mirrors)

Exercise is essential, yes—but the culture around it often feels like it’s built for someone else’s body. Gyms, classes, and even YouTube videos frequently make plus-size women feel unwelcome.

Here’s my approach:

  • Move because it feels good, not because you feel guilty
  • Dance around your living room like no one’s watching (bonus: no mirrors required)
  • Walk your dog, chase your grandkids, or lift something heavy—honestly, that counts

It’s about showing up for your body in a way that’s sustainable, not humiliating.

Nutrition: Forget the Shame, Focus on Fuel

Diet culture is loud and exhausting. For plus-size women, it often translates into unnecessary guilt or advice that isn’t helpful.

Here’s my overthinker-approved method:

  • Eat what fuels you, not what shames you
  • Include vegetables, protein, healthy fats, and yes… even treats
  • Listen to your hunger and fullness cues, not a number on a scale

Your health is about strength, energy, and living fully—not about punishing yourself for the body you already have.

Access and Equipment: Still Not Standard

This one might surprise people. Many clinics, hospitals, and even fitness spaces aren’t equipped to accommodate plus-size bodies comfortably. Chairs, exam tables, or blood pressure cuffs that don’t fit may seem small, but they matter.

It’s a reminder that the systems we rely on still need updating—and we, plus-size women, are often the ones reminding them to get it right.

Why We’ll Keep Talking About This

Here’s the truth: plus-size women’s health challenges are ongoing, and we’ll likely keep revisiting them. The bias exists. Access is uneven. Fitness culture can be exclusive. Mental health struggles are real. And diet culture? Don’t even get me started.

This is a topic that will probably always be on repeat—but that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. The more we talk about it, the more we advocate, the more visible we are, the closer we get to real change.

Final Thoughts: Health, Respect, and a Little Humor

Being a plus-size woman shouldn’t make health complicated—or judgmental. Yes, there are challenges. Yes, society has some catching up to do. But here’s what I know:

  • Our health matters.
  • Our mental health matters.
  • Our bodies deserve respect, care, and movement that makes us feel good.
  • And sometimes, saving the world looks like crocheting a blanket while thinking about policies, care access, and self-love all at the same time.

We’ll probably keep revisiting these challenges, but that’s okay. Awareness, advocacy, and humor are all part of the superpower we bring to the table.

Posted in Faith After 50

Until I’m Skinny Enough to Deserve Treatment

I’ve lived most of my adult life in the uncomfortable intersection of womanhood and size. Every doctor’s appointment, every lab test, every routine checkup carries with it a quiet but unmistakable message: “Until I’m skinny enough, my health concerns aren’t serious.” And if I’m being honest, that message has shaped not just how I feel about my body, but how I feel about seeking care at all.

Walking into a medical office as a plus-size woman is like stepping onto a stage where I’ve already been judged. Before a single symptom is addressed, I know that assumptions will be made, advice will be given, and my experiences will be filtered through the lens of my size. And after years of this, the anxiety it breeds has become almost unbearable.

Every Visit Starts the Same Way

It doesn’t matter what issue brings me into the office. A lingering ache in my knees? Fatigue that never lifts? Digestive issues? Even these can’t escape the gravitational pull of weight bias. I’ve been told, more times than I can count, that if I just lost weight, all my problems would disappear. Sometimes this comes gently, sometimes as a directive. Either way, the effect is the same: my symptoms are diminished, my experiences dismissed, my body blamed before my voice is heard.

And it’s exhausting. The mental preparation for each visit, the internal debate about whether it’s “worth it” to face judgment again, has caused me to avoid care altogether at times. The fear of walking into that room, of being met with assumptions and subtle condescension, is overwhelming.

The Mental Health Toll

Living under this constant scrutiny has affected more than my physical health. It has chipped away at my mental well-being. I feel an underlying anxiety every time I think about needing medical care. It’s a strange mix of fear, frustration, and self-doubt. I question whether my concerns are valid enough to raise, whether my body is “worthy” of attention, and whether seeking help will simply lead to judgment.

This anxiety doesn’t stay at the clinic door. It follows me home. It colors the way I think about my body, my health, and even my daily choices. When the system that’s supposed to protect you starts to feel like a threat, it’s impossible not to feel vulnerable, powerless, and alone.

Health Shouldn’t Be Conditional

The cruel irony is that weight does not define wellness. Conditions like thyroid disorders, diabetes, polycystic ovary syndrome, cardiovascular issues, and even chronic fatigue affect women of all sizes. Yet, for plus-size women, the default explanation is always the same: your weight is the problem.

This approach isn’t just dismissive—it’s dangerous. When doctors focus on size rather than symptoms, testing is delayed, treatment is postponed, and serious health issues can go unnoticed. Preventive screenings, which could save lives, are sometimes avoided or inadequately administered because equipment or assumptions fail to accommodate larger bodies. Health should not be a reward for shrinking. It should be a right, available to all, right now.

The Emotional Labor of Advocacy

Over the years, I’ve had to become my own advocate in a system that often feels designed to overlook me. I’ve learned to ask questions, insist on tests, and push for proper evaluation. I’ve had to insist that my symptoms are legitimate and that my health matters. But the emotional labor required for this is immense. Every visit takes energy, courage, and mental fortitude—energy I wish I could spend on healing instead of defending my existence.

I know I’m not alone in this. Thousands of plus-size women navigate the same bias daily, negotiating a healthcare system that seems to care more about the size of our bodies than the complexity of our symptoms. This isn’t about vanity. It’s about survival, dignity, and justice.

Reframing What Health Means

I’ve had to reframe my understanding of health and self-worth. Health is not a number on a scale. It is function, wellness, emotional resilience, and the ability to live a fulfilling life. My body deserves care not because it meets societal standards, but because it is mine—and because I am worthy of attention, compassion, and respect.

Even when the system fails, I’ve learned to advocate, speak out, and refuse to internalize blame. I’ve connected with supportive providers, therapists, and communities that understand size-inclusive care. I’ve discovered that acknowledging my worth is a radical act in a world that too often equates thinness with legitimacy.

Moving Toward Change

Change will not happen overnight, but it starts with awareness. Healthcare professionals must confront their biases, listen without judgment, and provide care that is evidence-based rather than assumption-driven. Clinics need equipment, resources, and protocols that accommodate all bodies.

And patients like me must continue to advocate—not just for ourselves, but for every woman who has felt invisible or dismissed. By sharing our experiences, by insisting on proper treatment, and by refusing to let our health be conditional, we can challenge the harmful systems that have persisted for far too long.

Conclusion: Health Without Conditions

For decades, I’ve faced the implicit message: “Until you’re skinny enough, your health concerns don’t matter.” But I refuse to believe that my size determines my right to care. Every woman deserves treatment, compassion, and attention—without judgment, without delay, and without preconditions.

We deserve to walk into a clinic and know our voices will be heard, our concerns validated, and our bodies respected. Until that becomes the standard, we continue to share our stories, advocate fiercely, and demand a healthcare system that sees us—exactly as we are.

Because health should never be conditional. It should always be a right.

Photo by Shaun Meintjes on Unsplash