Life After Perfectionism: Now Featuring Wrinkles, Crumbs, and Peace
Author: Vikki Lynn Sorensen
By day, I work a fulltime job in corporate America. By night, I'm a fulltime couch potato. I love to read, write, embroider, crochet and watch British mysteries. When I do leave the house, it's to either go to church or to buy yarn and books. I'm a firm believer that buying books and buying yarn are hobbies on their own.
I'm also the single mom (happily divorced for more than 15 glorious years) of two fabulous young women, rescue mom of one dog and rescue grandma to one black cat. My older daughter, Shelby is high-functioning autistic and an avid gamer. My younger daughter, Emilie, is married and lives with her husband about three hours away from me and is an avid baker. Both love Jesus fiercely and in their own way.
On March 22nd, my sister and I will be closing on a lovely end-unit townhome we bought together. I haven’t been a homeowner since 2004 so this is very exciting for me! Finally, a home where I can put paint on the walls!
Two kitchens! A fireplace located in a lovely loft. Oak wood finishes that are in perfect condition and best of all, only 2.5 miles away from my dad and stepmom.
So exciting!
But also, a lot of work! My sister and I will be merging households which also puts a new spin on this. While she’s mostly packed, I’m still in the purging phase. I text her a lot of pictures that usually have the caption of “do we need this?” or “do we need two of these?”.
This house will only be the second I’ve ever owned. (I don’t count the one I bought with my now ex-husband because my name was no where on it.) And it will be my 20th move overall! Hopefully, this will also be my very last move.
A few short years ago, both my girls were planning to get a place of their own. I sat looking through apartment listings (just for fun), looking at one-bedroom places and dreaming of how I would decorate it without any input from anyone else. I pinned meals “for the single gal” to my Pinterest page and thought about how grand it would be to have the whole TV all to myself.
I could do what I wanted when I wanted. The ultimate single life.
We moved in here and shortly after, Emilie got married. And then there were two.
Emilie has always been my “big idea” girl. Big dreams. Bigger plans. So full of sparkling conversation. She outwardly expresses everything and this lead to hours upon hours of endless chatter. She filled my days with talking. I honestly can’t remember a time in her life when she wasn’t talking. So many late night talks, some full of fear but most filled with faith and a lot of tears.
But Shelby isn’t like that. She doesn’t have huge dreams.
Shelby works an overnight job and sleeps during the day. She has her own set of nerdy friends she prefers to spend time with, which is very normal for a girl like her. I want to give her that space. I don’t want her to feel like she’s her mother’s entertainment committee. The few times she’s decided to spend her day with me has been a gift and I’ve made the most of it. Her big ambition right now is to work, make some money, and play video games with her friends. Even when she is with me, she’s quiet. There’s never been a ton of conversation that’s happened between us.
So, my home when from being loud to being very quiet.
In the beginning, I took advantage of it. But it wasn’t long before conversations with Jesus turned into mindless chatter with either myself or with the dog. (He doesn’t ever engage. He usually just licks himself and finds a new comfortable space on my chair.)
Now, that season is ending. I just bought a house with my sister. And my other sister (there’s four of us girls in my family) will be moving in with us along with Shelby. My very quiet, boring existence is about to be replaced with conversation and activity once more.
I can’t wait!
Moving to my current home was a huge blessing. We moved right in the middle of 2020 from a super small apartment to this one. My old apartment was only a mile away from the home we shared with my mom for 12 years. It was the home that healed us from a painful divorce. It was my mother’s house and for 12 years, we were secure and stable.
Then we lost her and everything changed.
The two years we spent in that first apartment after she died were so full of grief and pain and adjustment and just emptiness. We had no family nearby. My girls and I clung to each other and together, we held onto Jesus. But that grief – it was so hard to heal. I remember when we moved into this place, it almost felt like I was leaving my grief behind. So much closer to my sister, this place gave me breathing room, and not just literally.
It changed everything.
Being close to people who I loved and who loved me was the healing balm I needed. We healed together, in a way. God blessed us so much in this place and in this current season.
God gave me this season and I have not squandered it.
But now it’s time for the next step in my life. To go back to living in a space where I can put color on my walls and have my own laundry (it’s the little things). I won’t just be close to family; I’ll be living with family and closest I’ve been to my dad and stepmom in decades.
The challenge now is to stay in an attitude of gratitude. I’ve got just under 2 months until we move into our house – hopefully, our forever home.
Seasonal transitions are hard because the closer you get to the new season, the less tolerant you are of the season you’re in. It’s easy to get edgy and start to dislike what once was a blessing.
I’m determined not to let that happen to me. I love my home. I love every minute here. And before I leave, I want to pray over it, touch each wall and walk its floors one more time. I want to leave a bit of Jesus here. I want the next family to feel peace, love, comfort, and healing when they want through the door – just as I did.
When I get to my new home, I’ll do the same. Touch the walls. Walk the floors. Speak Jesus to it all. This home was a home of healing but the next home…that will be a home full of joy!
I don’t know about you but 2024 sure looks different than what I thought it would look like when I was a kid. I remember sitting in my classroom, drawing pictures of flying cars and robots doing laundry. We may not be there just yet but we are in this primitive form of Star Trek era with watches that make calls for us and phones that connect us globally. But one thing hasn’t changed – New Year’s resolutions.
Personally, I don’t like making resolutions. They’re nothing more than broken promises made to myself. So I don’t do that. Change, however, is a different matter. And this year, I’m going to try to be a woman of change. (insert diabolical laugh here)
So, 2024, let’s get after it! Here’s my list. Let’s see if anything sounds familiar to you (or maybe inspirational?)
Eat better – I mean, who doesn’t have this as a goal. In fact, this is a lifelong goal of mine. The quest to change my eating habits – eat more veggies, less carbs, less sweets, lather, rinse, repeat. But still, I have to put it on the list since I’m sincerely wanting to make better choices. And I’d like to do more research to be more intentional about my food choices.
Move more – Another goal that’s sure to make everyone’s list. However, I’m going to leave this open-ended. The idea is to move more but not necessarily set time limits, number of days, etc…just get up and move. Walk. Dance. Run. Stretch.
Pray/Bible study – I’ve never been consist with either, to be honest. I mean, I talk with God a lot so that part is ok (could be better, though). The Bible study is a hit or miss and I have plenty devotionals. Hopefully, this year is the year I make it through at least one. (I’ll let you know.)
Spend less – So, let’s talk about this one. I don’t live an expensive life. I live in a small apartment. Utilities are pared down as much as I can. I don’t work outside of the home so I don’t need work clothes and I have stuff for church. But I do like to buy yarn for crochet projects and embroidery stuff. I have whole roomful! So I’m making the decision not buy anything more until I use up what I already have. I also need to spend less on eating out. I have budgeted a healthy amount for groceries but sometimes, laziness and boredom drive me out of the house for food unnecessarily. I plan on changing that and being more intentional with my money and be more intentional about saving.
Create more – I don’t know how creative I’ll be with crochet. Not sure I know how. But I do want to learn to draw and create my own embroidery designs. I want to be fearless. I want to create and see where it takes me.
Call people – I’m so bad at this but I want to get better. I’m more comfortable with texting or using apps to connect with people but it’s not always best. I need to pick up the phone and call more. Bottom line.
Now for some real talk – change takes time. I plan on giving myself some grace when I fail, and there will be times of failures, set-backs, etc. But I think it’s time I finally let myself off the hook for being one of the most imperfect people on the planet. (I know that comes as a shock to those of you who know me personally.)
What changes are you looking to make in 2024? Drop a line in the comments and let me know!
I’ve worked in corporate America for 25 years. I’ve been a part of so many pre-holiday and post holiday conversations with other parents over the almighty dollar , how much each child’s present was and how much debt they’re in now. I’ve looked at countless worried faces over how to pay those bills and listened to many cry over their kid’s ungrateful attitude over a gift that cost them their bonus.
Even now, I see memes everywhere talking about how kids these days only want iPads, iPhones, iWatches, iTVs….you get where I’m going with this. We think kids just woke up one morning and decided they wanted gifts worth our entire paycheck. And folks who can’t afford these things for their children cry over and over because they measure their worth as a parent by the total dollar amount underneath the tree. They plague themselves with guilt and shame over this and talk about it being a ‘bad’ Christmas.
I’ve been there. I know what I’m talking about.
But guess what?
It’s never a bad Christmas when you can spend time with your kids and make it count. I’m 55 years old and I can tell you that I truly don’t remember each Christmas gift I’ve ever received. I can probably recall a few that were truly magical. Probably my favorite Christmas gift of all was when my Dad painstakingly took all our family photos that were on projector slides and converted them to a disc. My whole life on a downloadable CD allowing me to view these precious times over and over again. (It’s still my favorite gift ever!)
If you ask my girls to list their gifts received over the years, they wouldn’t be to do it. But they can recall memories. They remember when their Grandma came down to Texas to spend Christmas with them. They remember every Christmas party at their Papa’s house. They remember learning family cookie recipes. They remember Christmas mornings in bed with me while we snugged and waited for an acceptable time to open gifts. They remember how my mother danced in the living room to Feliz Navidad and watching Christmas shows on TV with her.
Time. Effort. Joy. Traditions. These are the things that count.
Your presence in their lives is worth so much more than presents under the tree.
It’s the same for decorations. I came across a person who was showing off her multiple Christmas trees, all with an aesthetic. One was blue, another red and white, another green, another for a sports team….each one looking like it came right out of the How To Decorate a Tree at Christmas section of Pinterest. These trees may be pretty but they’re weren’t warm. None of the trees told me a story about the people who decorated them.
I’ve had so many Christmas trees in my life! From my grandmother’s silver aluminum tree to the tree from my Aunt Ro’s house to my Dad and stepmom’s tree to my own, each one is full of memories. Each ornament has a story. My tree is a mixture of ornaments that represent my life. Old Avon ornaments from my mother. Black cats and plastic coffee cup ornaments for my Shelby. Ornaments from all my dad and stepmom’s travels. A few handmade ones. And even one from my mother’s childhood. Each one tells a story.
Who cares if your tree doesn’t look like the one on Instagram?! Putting up a Christmas tree is an opportunity for your family to gather together. Be creative. Have fun.
Create a memory and make it a core memory!
So this Christmas, take a load off. Release some pressure. Make a gift instead of buying one. Spend time with your kids instead of working overtime to buy them the latest technology. Get out those ornaments and put them on your tree and as you do, take a moment to recall the story behind it and tell it to your kids. Put extra lights on tree and have a slumber party under it.
Start a new tradition this year and put your wallet away. Budget time – not money. I promise you’ll have the merriest Christmas ever!
I get on Instagram or Pinterest each night when I go to bed and I scroll through both, pinning ideas to a virtual board or saving them to a new collection.
I have tons of yarn and tons of patterns and ideas saved to both. Yet still, the second I see something new that inspires me, I have to go for it. Such as was this blanket.
I couldn’t wait to make this. Now, here’s the thing. It’s important to know your yarn, I believe. I’d never worked with Bernat blanket yarn before this project so I struggled with this just a bit as a beginner to chunky yarn.
Yet I persevered and within a week, I had a happy pile of perfect squares.
I also subbed out a few colors since my Joann’s didn’t have the exact colors in the pattern. No worries. This is where creativity comes in (and where I start to battle the perfectionist side of me).
Joining them was another story and something I really do need to practice with this grade of yarn. Nevertheless, I did my own thing here and I don’t think it came out too bad.
This blanket is on my bed now as my fall covering and I have to say I love it! My blanket base is a simple white cotton quilt on which I like to add seasonal, handmade accents from blankets to pillows (eventually). It’s very soft and just that right weight and warmness (my own word) not to overheat this very menopausal girl.
This pattern – total hit for me! So glad I made it and I can’t wait to make more and perfect this technique.
Faith Love n Joy 